(Rant) Life shouldn't be this hard!

I’m so tired of the constand grind to try and keep my head above water, financially and mentally.
Adulthood was supposed to be better, it shouldn’t be this hard to stay alive at 32.

I kept myself alive during highschool because everyone told me it would be better after 20. In my twenties, everyone told me life would be more calm and stable after 30.

How many times should I have to play Sisyfos and push the damn boulder up the hill before it’s okay to give up?

I almost miss being on disability and being treated like a useless potato. At least then, I didn’t have to be aware and responsible at all times.

I don’t want to constantly worry about next month’s rent, skip lunches, go days without nicotine, and I don’t want to work two jobs and do them both poorly because I’m so utterly exhausted!

I know I can always go back to my home country and live with my parents.
I just fear I’d wither away, and I keep having this foolish hope that if I hold on just a little longer, things will get better.

But how long should I tough it out “just a little longer” before hope becomes stupidity?

I just want one goddamn month where I don’t have look at the prices when I grocery shop.

My symptoms are increasing and I know it’s 100% due to stress. And I know there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

I need hugs. I could use some encouragement.
Anything.

6 Likes

Don’t discount that idea. I assume you can get a job in your home country.

1 Like

I second, @everhopeful and think you should consider moving in with your parents.

You’re going to burn out at least,

Have a meltdown at worst.

If you have the resources not to be in that situation, you should get out of it.

You can save money and actually put yourself in a better spot with that kind of support.

2 Likes

My mom & stepdad live in a rural area, and I don’t (and can’t) drive, so I’d be fully dependent on them to get anywhere.

If I moved in with them, I might be able to save up for a small apartment and eventually get a job at a branch of my current job. But there’s a big chance I’d be stuck stacking groceries or caring for the elderly until I could get more education.

I want to get a GED and study at university, but I feat I would fail yet again.

If I moved in with my dad & stepmom I would be able to get aroynd on my own, but I fear I would crash with depression as winters in Norway are harsh, and mental health care is lacking.

I feel there are some perks to staying where I am, but i’m quickly running out of reasons to.

I guess I don’t want to prove them right that it would be too hard for me.

1 Like

You need rest @Pikasaur
Overstressed you can’t make right decisions.
I’m sorry for situation you are in…
Please post (rant) more about your life…
That could be healing if you are more here…

4 Likes

:hugs::hugs::hugs:Sending understanding and hugz.

3 Likes

I am sorry you feel that way, my life is not easy either, but i think its normal. It seems you need to do changes in your life to get out of your Sisyphusdrama.

2 Likes

Is it possible and move back and get back on disability? Doesn’t mean it’s a long term thing but just to give you some space to get more comfortable. I know for me getting on disabilty took a lot of stress out of my life and I ended up volunteering rather than work. We are all different but agree having a break for a while would probably help.

3 Likes

I feel the same as you and I’m 42! I’m so struggling lately. It hurts so bad

2 Likes

Seconding that.

:heart: :hugs:

4 Likes

Yeah, my life is tough too and it’s almost over. It doesn’t say anywhere that life should be easy. But I have sympathy for you. BTDT.
The pain of life doesn’t end, it just goes on and on, and in the long run, giving up is harder than to keep going. I don’t know what to tell you, it sounds like you need a change. Maybe living with your parents is the answer.

I remember back in the 80’s when I was working at Sears. I was in my late 30’s and life just got too tough for me so I slowly asked for less and less hours and then I finally quit after working there for four years, I joined a day program and it was just what I needed. It was a low stress program where we had groups and meetings and classes and ate lunch and did fun things. It was a good place to socialize and I went there four days a week for a year. Then one day a counselor showed me an ad she had clipped out of a newspaper for a job. And that’s how I became a park ranger.

But I told this story to show what’s possible. I was stressed out at Sears and needed a break and just took some time off to rest right in the middle of my life and it worked wonders. I worked as a park ranger for two years and got back on my feet and lived on my own. Maybe you need to eliminate something from your life like your job or living on your own. You’re doing so much that maybe the logical thing to do is get rid of a major stressor by either getting a lower stress job or maybe move into a group home for a year or two so you won’t have so much responsibility and take a load off your shoulders.

4 Likes

Life’s a dirty mangy mutt pissing on your leg right after you just dried off your pant leg. It’s definitely a Greek tragedy right out of the book. Sending positive thoughts your way and I hope things begin to look brighter for you.

1 Like

Hugs from a useless potato :potato: :grinning:

1 Like