Of not knowing do I trully need meds. Once when I tried cutting them, I felt worse - but during that time I’ve also smoked weed. So it could be that either weed worsened situation - or the fact that I cut meds.
Also, I am trully not sure do I have symptoms at all. Sometimes I believe hallucinations could be only my imagination, or even something created by myself. Because even if I have hallucinations- they’re very mild and even sometimes unrecognisable.
Once in the shower I heard voices which were coming from water. And I am still not sure- whether I imagined it or it was a hallucination.
Also I am not sure if the voice inside my head is audtiorial hallucination or simply my inner voice.
Hell, how unsure I am
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This happens to me all the time and it is like the sound of the water is bringing telepathy to my mind. And I try to figure out what is the source of this telepathy that is coming to my mind through the sound of the water
I keep realizing my mind is functioning like it’s telepathic with others consciousness and through sounds like you said of any sound of car engines or water or thunder
When psychiatrists hear me say my mind is functioning like it’s telepathic with some type of consciousness of others and sounds they told me I’m schizophrenic
If I don’t take my meds this gets out of control for me and I have no control of my thoughts
Every week or two I take one day break from meds and sometimes I feel better for the day but at the end of the next day I’m worse off but during the day I’m better
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I’d talk to your doctor before you try to reduce the meds. Things can go down hill fast with this condition.
Someone I used to know labelled this phenomena “Ghost Radio.” I hear words when the wind hits the side of the building, or when I’m at my parents and their dish washer is going. I also hear a lot of talking and words when there aren’t any external noises at all. 
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But I believe it could be described as a hallucination? See I am at the moment in my life where I am unsure do I have illness or no. I overthink whether things I experience could be defined as symptoms or no 
Weed has long term effects and makes matters worst if you have any form of Schizophrenia.I read some articles mentioning this, so speak with the doc and maybe weed 
out what may be right thing to do…
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I am discussing lots of things with her. But she is not being clear: she said maybe after some time we could try stopping meds…
She says I do have some symptoms - but maybe one day they will disappear. Though I am experiencing strange things for many years… maybe she’s just lying that one day I could stop meds. @Bob101
Ghost radio is a type of hallucination, yes. If you want to lower your meds, I’d only do so with the guidance of a doctor. The symptoms that return may interfere in your ability to work at a job, among other things.
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You’re right @anon70814080
I am just so unsure why my insight comes and go. One day I do understand I trully understand I need meds, the other one it seems I am quite not sure am I ill at all…
now I am afraid that I am the main problem in my life. The fact that my insight is so unstable means no good uhh I hate this illness
Your psychiatrist is very supporting and positive
She is the doctor and knows you best
How often can you visit with her if you were to stop meds? I would think she would still like to monitor you?
Weed did not affect my SZ just is not allowed by my parents
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I bet she’s lying. I have symptoms from year 2016, in fact even earlier…
And it’s not disappearing. She believes that my symptoms may stop on vraylar, and I am taking it, but symptoms are still here. Gosh I am even not sure if these are symptoms - but from what @anon70814080 said, hearing voices from shower are hallucinations.
Maybe my pdoc just wants me to be positive, that’s all… at the moment I visit her like twice a year, but Idk how it would be if I stopped meds.
Actually, I just wanna know if I have this possibility to stop meds one day 
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If I miss my meds I’m not good, maybe a lot of that is withdrawal from them but I don’t feel right in the head. I use more nicotine if I miss my meds and my nerves are on high alert. I wouldn’t risk a psychosis episode to find out, your symptoms may be worse when they return. I am pretty sure not recognizing you have a condition is part of the illness, you need to remind yourself that. I don’t know anything about your medication but I had to be on it for a couple of years before I felt right. Even though I don’t have as many symptoms now I will not stop taking my AP probably my whole life.
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I believe you’re right…: it could be simply nature of my illness.
Just its quite strange for me that I manage to work and study. The fact I feel good most of the time makes me question the illness- ‘maybe I am just pretending’ etc. And the fact that my pdoc is very not clear with me makes it even harder…
The one thing is that my last mental test showed I have some disbalance in my brain. The doctor which did the test said that probably I will need meds for the rest of my life… but my pdoc says that there’s possibility to stop meds one day. That’s why I am so confused
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I would also like to stop my meds. I’ve come to realise that they are my lifeline so I’m not going to mess around with them
It does sound like you are having hallucinations. And hearing a voice vs having an inner voice are different experiences
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I have about the same level of hallucinations as you, and every time I got off the med’s I messed up. If you mess up when you stop your med’s you might be put on a stronger med in the future. You sometimes get a rebound effect from the med’s when you go off them. Work with your doctor if you want to come off the med’s. Maybe you could have med’s available when you’re coming off the med’s, in case you feel yourself slipping into psychosis.
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@crimby you’re right.
Just sometimes for me it’s so so hard to have insight… sometimes I just believe I am not ill at all. ‘Maybe I am cured and I can stop meds anytime’ I think like that sometimes.
But then, I have some ‘stronger’ hallucinations and realise that probably I cannot come of off meds.
It’s like a circle. One day I know I am ill the other I don’t.
If you want to come off your med’s do it under medical supervision. For me the med’s are a necessary evil. I don’t like them, but they’re necessary in my case.
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You might want to have a day or two of med’s in reserve, in case getting off the med’s becomes too much for you.
I used to get off meds all the time. Only one time I made it longer than a week. If it’s your illness telling you you’re not I’ll maybe it’d be better to stay on them. I’d talk to your doctor though see if she would be willing to try. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and seem to be managing it well so I’d consider that. When I was psychotic I’d hear words in all kinds of noises. The most common even on meds was through the air conditioning. Constant chatter from the voices. Luckily perphenazine has mostly gotten rid of them. They also say you’re not suppose to get off meds cause the same med may lose some of its effectiveness. Idk if that was true for me. I always came back from the symptoms in a couple days. I don’t skip doses on my perphenazine though.
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