sometimes I dont even relate to other schizophrenics… i closed myself for the world 15 years ago, yeah… i dont know if it was my mistake or the illness… so i got to the point that i had those mystical fears, of the demons, i was even scared of myself 
. now, i am revolted against this. i prefer my anger to my fears. but its not cool either cause sometimes my anger is too much, it can tourment my soul also, you know that…
ive also learned that to be in bad shape because of unhappy love is a stupid thing. i can love someday and be loved also… i go out once in 4 days but when i get my symptoms worse at my home and i speak about them here and on one another forum i often get the advice to see a psychotherapist. no, i dont want to see anyone right now! but can i get better staying at my home? at least, i try to remain active here at my house… probably those who knew the lying in the bed for months knew this problem? how to face the world again? cause my steps are really small wow 
. or maybe my mom which i am seeing too much doesn’t have the nerves anymore to see me like this…
If you keep doing the same things you won’t get different results. Probably a psychotherapist would be a good change! 
believe me, i try to push myself from the hell in my head. i play games in the day, i read, i try to stay informed on the world and to be more open to others. no, even my mom doesn’t believe in a psychotherapist for me… i hate them now, really… lots of people made me a dumb, i am not so dumb anymore to give my inexistant money just for advices that wont help me. i need an understanding, not a list of things to do…
u dont have to do psychotherapy if u dont want to. i’m forced to go and i have to do timetables and meditation… and my appointment is every week. not to mention the long queueing at the hospital… it’s all annoying really…
yea therapy is boring. have u thought about going to skool?