My second girlfriend who was always quite the writer, told me not long after meeting me “I have finally found my muse” I remember feeling quite insulted and hurt at hearing her say this as I at that point thought of myself as the creator rather than merely somebodies muse. I told her this and she apologized and said she thought of being the muse as something of an honor.
And then for a decade I tried desperately to fit in and be as normal as I possibly could.
What I’m realizing at this point in life is that she had been correct. I am not the creator, I’m a mediocre artist as well as a mediocre writer. But I do however posses the burning inspiration of an artist, of a writer. I am just not the artist or the writer.
It is actually a bit of a humbling…thing…to admit to myself that I am not the creator for I am the muse.
(I am now being told that muses are conventionally women…bah! Bah I say)
I think we go through phases like the lamb, the lion, and the child. I supported an “artist” once. Before that I was an artist. Now I’m trying to get to the point of being an artist again. I don’t know if it will happen though.
All I know is that after only rather recently regaining my sanity though never having entirely lost it either I’m regardless of stages at an unusual circumstance in my life. I’m figuring all I can do is use this to my advantage somehow. Most people don’t have to start again in their early 30’s but then the way I’m looking at it is most people don’t get to either.
Technically muses are female but not women. They are gods. They went around giving inspiration to artists and craftsman. It is definitely and honor except for the part about the lady bits.
Just because you are bad (which isn’t necessarily true because a bunch of great artists of varying practices thought or think their stuff is garbage) doesn’t mean you should stop. I’m a horrible writer. But I keep at it because I write just for myself. I make myself laugh which is all that matters.