Coming here makes me realize I am not alone. I always thought I was all alone in this world. But I’ve realized there are many that have the same EXACT (well, close to) experiences that I have had. This is a real illness. The doctors are pretty smart in diagnosing me as early as they did, before I experienced certain delusions. But they are consistent with what I see here. I wonder if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy for me to become schizophrenic. Or what…
Like when I’m psychotic I don’t think “I’m psychotic”. I feel like a somewhat normal guy. Then I come here and read your posts and say “wow these people are nuts”. But then I think closer and say “wait I’m the same way as these people.” It’s somewhat re-assuring for me. Sometimes I want to be schizophrenic to make reasoning for why life has been so difficult. Upper-middle class background. Why has life been so hard? Because I have this REAL illness. Sometimes it doesn’t seem real. But coming here has made me realize it is real. Idk if anyone can relate, or maybe all so well, but this is how I feel.
Welcome. I hope you find this forum helpful.
When I feel good I believe I was making things up. And then I crash again and know it’s for real.
Very helpful in so many ways. I’m quite the opposite. When I feel good I say “Woooo I’m schizoaffective and it doesn’t phase me, I’m invincible!”, because I forgot that I change day to day and the next day I’m doing terrible and call myself inadequate and blame myself and the world, rather than the illness. But sometimes I feel schizophrenia was my defense mechanism against life. We talked about it last night that I have a theory that SZ is narcissism through delusion/fantasy, while secretly we are the antithesis of narcissists and are very sensitive. We are too stressed/can’t cope so we use SZ. Sorry to those who aren’t “there” yet. My post could be a lot to handle to a newly SZ, although I’m 24 still young but mature.