I don’t know how to explain.
As a person, I am losing it.
While at sleep I see some dreams,
where I am not the first person, like I am already dead.
Just wandering view, of the dream.
Then when I wake up and unable to get myself together.
As a person !
I feel its not me when I wake up.
Then after few minutes, I realise I have sz and my life is screwed.
I feel I have lost the sense of self.
I think it may be related to cognitive decline and even memory loss.
Will reading help in memory and cognitive decline ?
I am worried I will lose myself and become someone whom I am not.
I have noticed few sings too, my self consciousness is narrowing down, like shutting down
I am losing the sense of self
I know need to inform pdoc but the next visit is 50 days away.
Is it a sing I need to change the meds or I am taking unnecessary additional meds !
I am on Aripiprazole 20 mg and Bupropion SR 150 anyone else with same combination having lose of self feeling ?
I’m no sr but it sounds like a sleep disorder actually because it’s basically nightmares that are bad enough to remember and affect you the next day. Can you see your primary / family dr about it?
My Mother says its due to travelling and every time I travel I fall mentally down,
but now is something different.
I am losing or unable to give out a figure that this is who I am.
I usually had this feeling of self but I feel its fading away.
I wonder its good or bad,
While I am senseless person, does nothing, does not even think of date or time.
I am just scared not to get fixed in that sense of personality, If I may quote.
I am not even me anymore, I am wondering whats happening.
My personality is narrowing down to some thing who is just a body with me, not in it.
I think am losing self awareness !
I will wait for another two weeks hopefully I re-establish myself connected to self.
I will keep my parents informed to take me to pdoc asap if it does not.
Lots of people travel without losing their sense of self. I highly doubt the traveling is causing it. I do think a therapist can help you work through it and find your self identity
Such as 6 am Breakfast.
7 am shower and brush teeth.
8 am walk half a hour.
9 am rest.
12 lunch
1 pm watch tv and drink tea
3 pm wash laundry
4 pm read
5 pm dinner
6 pm bed time
Just example there….
Help you stay grounded in day to day time and events etc and not get spaced out.
It helped me to write a list .
Including brushing teeth on list.
There’s two selves, the narrative and the core self. Core self is the sense of “me-ness” the first person perspective , and with sz it’s impaired. It’s good t that you’re aware of it.
Thanks @Moon I should make a note on what I do with self, I am even forgetful, So I have planned to do what @Truemist8 has informed that I will keep a track on self activity. I have now started to read as a meditative practice, I will keep reading stuff so my cognitive and memory improves.
I feel reading stuff keeps me busy plus would increase my ability to comprehend what I read and write.
@LilyoftheValley I don’t find any good therapist in my location but the doc I visit its very far and the other doc I visit is 5 hours waiting time, I will ask the doc for a therapist, I know I have been informed to visit a therapist from past couple of months. I will make it happen in the next visit.
By the way reading is bring me back to my old self. I am just reading through the documentations of programming. I feel seated ideal and meditate is not better than reading and meditate on what I read. so this will keep my brain functional rather than my past history.
I have planned to become a good person and I know how it works.
As My surrounding is a reflection of my mental state.
I have noticed in few movies how they portray sz’nic environment. Such as all well maintained and clean environment as per the person but in fact its a messed up place which is unhygienic.
Like this movie called The Voices ← The link may trigger some so watch it with caution. Because I used to talk to my dog when I was studying.
Now I wonder should I even read Hopefully I don’t stress myself.
I am on 450 mg Buproprion and 30 abilify. I think since the increase of the Buproprion and even since starting it, about three years ago, that I have had kind of a spacey, empty head. This worries me. I have been looking for information about “Cognitive Remediation” on the internet which I think may help. This site has some stuff, Cognitive Remediation Therapy: 13 Exercises & Worksheets). Also I think being outside and exercise helps, reading…
It looks to me like a mix of depersonalization and avolition, nothing with an entropy of its own. I don’t think your condition is degenerative in nature. I don’t think you are losing your sense of self as much as you are simply experiencing detachment with yourself and your surroundings coupled with a sense of avolition and possibly some catatonia which is making you feel like an empty shell in conjuction with the cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia hindering your overall sense of functionality.
All in all I think that’s what’s making you feel less conscious than before, which you rationalize as losing your sense of self, while your self is there what you aren’t engaging with is filling your experience with the stimuli that would cause you to feel your sense of self responding, making it inert rather than outright absent. I give this interpretation because that’s what describes what I went through and to some extent still go through periodically. The self is there just not showing any sign of processing what I’d expect it to process.
My advice would be to simply find ways to engage your consciousness in small ways, imagination, reading, focusing. Doesn’t matter how small the goal is, as long as you feel yourself making progress staying engaged without getting anxious or distracted I think you’ll eventually start feeling more and more like your sense of self is coming back to you. Take things easy, don’t start panicking because in all likelihood you aren’t in a downward spiral. Good luck.
I am not from the US,
but yes I do have insurance but it only covers Inpatient and its expensive as well for inpatient alone.
Oh Yeah !
I have another coverage from my Dad’s side,
but its from the defence, I need to explore more.
I do have facilities available but someone needs to be upfront acting on it.
Actually I am very lucky to have these resources.
All of my friends says I am really lucky to have parents like me all well settled and all planned out for me.
Still its me I have to act and take action as its my own health.
I did not even know that SZ was considered as a disability.
I got to know it from here.
I went ahead and got the Disability Certificate and now I get free med’s from the government.
My parents both had worked for the defence.
And my Brother is earning 7 digit salary.
But I have ended up like this with ZERO digit salary.
Back to the point, I have visited multiple psychologist with no hope.
I don’t want to be an expense to my family.
I am from India, and there are free ways to live independent. Only thing stopping is Me !
If I am able to live independent, why in the world I wont be able to work.
I am dependent for a reason as I am not even able to do house hold work.
Only thing I can do for my self is eat on my own, shower on my own. Even the clothes I wear is suggested by my parents as I wear the same clothes everyday.
I feel I am very smart but in fact I am not. Its just a big-big-ego.
I feel like to step down and get back to earth. Unfortunately, I am not able to.
I have a long an elaborate story about how I lost my sense of self but I think it’s physical, brain disease. I can read very well. I remember what I read. It doesn’t improve my sense of self. I should probably put my energy into drawing instead of books but my voices piss me off and I read because they are against it.
While initial days of SZ I was not able to read, every word had a different meaning than its supposed to carry.
Then I realised my brain is not functional, and I thought to self if this carried on I wont be able to complete my master which turned to a reality.
But now I can read and write, but still something I have lost in recovery.
I was catatonic as well, but its was just my thoughts giving commands not to move body, because every movement I do something or some comment came across.
Right on !
I have changed or because its the med that changed me, I don’t know. Because my presences of mind is lost, its getting narrower. I think my actual brain is shrinking like physically , and my parts of my character is lost, If I had , I think I have.
I think its simple, I should do what interest me, as I do have interest, but due to lots of self talk, I am not able to be persistent . I see an obstruction instead to overcome it, I just stay still and don’t move. Which cause memory issue because I think the med’s just works that way. I should to doing some thing, else all the thoughts I carry or do is erased. Med’s acts opposite and become harmful.
I think that’s the reason docs tell me to do some task !
Hopefully I don’t stress myself.