I have no ability to enjoy life or any of the things I used to and basically just act like a robot going through what motions I need to get through each day
Living like this I will never accomplish anything of value
Thus my life will be work, various other responsibilities, sleep, repeat over and over until I die
Conclusion—>what is the point?
I had the sad assumption that modafinil would give me motivation as well as energy but it didn’t. I’m awake now but my motivation to do things and participate in fun activities still hasn’t changed. I wrote something else; “Life without PLEASURE or PURPOSE is merely PUNISHMENT” and that’s what it feels like to me.
This life is a dud. I wish it would just end. It all feels so meaningless to me.
Okay, so let’s find you something you can enjoy. Does getting online feel like a chore? Do you get even a little pleasure here? I’ve become a forum junky and that’s the only sort of hobby that I have. But it’s enough most days.
Well I feel better when I can let off steam here and a lot of times people help talk me out of my bad thought processes/delusional thoughts.
All I can really manage nowadays in my free time is browsing online and watching (short) YouTube videos. At the end I feel like I was just wasting time and feel upset that I couldn’t have been doing something that I really liked or wanted to do.
All the old stuff I really liked doing. I miss getting really into videogames and tv shows, reading, writing stories, playing my flute, teaching myself Japanese, I used to do SO MANY THINGS. My brain just feels broken now like “That’s not necessary for survival so not worth the time, not interested”
But that’s the great thing about twitch, it’s more like background noise that you don’t have to really pay attention to. And you can switch from video games to speed runs to talk shows to animation to god knows what else.
I pretty much think everyone’s out to get me. I don’t know why im sticking around for this life either. Hoping it will get better I guess. Maybe this next med will kill me. As for you, hopefully you’ll get stronger as time goes on.
I can relate to the attention span! I’m only just back into reading after an almost 18 year hiatus. It’s hard. There’s like two things involved…depression and negatives. If you positives aren’t a drama then you’ve got to watch the depression. It can seem the same as negatives if it’s lo level depression.
I think getting exercise has really helped me. I take a boat load of antidepressants and I’m pretty stable but finding some time to do some walking helps my cognitive function for sure. I still don’t watch movies but I’m reading. I’m watching tv series! That is a start.
I know it’s not easy but try getting some exercise into your routine. The blahness has certainly receeded for me!
I just finished spring cleaning my apartment. I kept on saying that it was time for spring cleaning back in 2004. Finally I started it and got it done. There was merely a 13 year delay. This cleaning included cleaning walls, deep cleaning carpets, removing dust from all places, including hidden places, and even painting a wall or two that had now yellowed over time.
Anyhow, it made the place look new. That can be a nice mood picker upper.