My day has been alright, woke up got ready and went out with my dad some today. Now back at home watching tv.
Went to a doctors appointment. She prescribed some medication and I went to the drugstore to pick it up. Fixed lunch, later I have to go to the store for gloves.
Skipped breakfast+lunch. Nearly fainted at 3:15 pm. 
Not well, am never well.
Went + got some groceries and am washing some clothes. My brother came by with some hamburgers. I’m in the middle of changing the sheets. I haven’t slept between two sheets in weeks. Probably 3 or 4 times this year - I’m looking forward to it.
What did you do?..
Not much.
I awake in a new world daily.
The drugs make me sick.
And im dumb.
No motivation.
I did go shop for the exact same things i’ve been buying for years though, not enjoyable at all.
I did however have a good one way discussion with my brother though about strength and how people’s views on strength is ■■■■■■■■, that was fun but i was talking to myself basically.
your life does seem to be routine
No transport either.
And alot of trauma has damaged me, im all scarred up on top of everything else.
Variety costs money.
Some people cannot make money.
took my son to school, picked him up. took my daughter to yoga, picked her up. did a bit of shopping, did some washing. took the doogies to the woods, picked up today’s poos from the garden and cooked dinner. a quiet day for me.
Do you take an antidepressant?
Have you ever written poetry? With it you can look at the same old things in newt ways.
I have to walk wherever I go. Nothing interesting near by. There is the train but I’m not very brave there.
I find it interesting that you wake in a new world everyday. I’m not sure I read that right…For me it’s the same old one.
Yeah, it’s a new world, i act as if nothing happened before because i don’t remember.
Everyday it’s all new.
Im stupid, mainly because of the neuroleptics i must ingest or they kill me.
What kind of choice is that, take pills that kill me or they’ll kill me, not that the pills aren’t the better choice, but thats like saying " would you prefer this half eaten apple? Or the rotted lettuce? It’s all up to you!"
It really sucks being dumb, you have any idea what my poetry would sound and look like? Oh maaannnnn would it suck, worst poetry ever.
The worst part, i can’t even get an enjoyable meal, i was never fat or anything, not before pills, but i just loved a healthy quality meal and i can’t have it anymore!
I do get the wonderful oppurtunity though to watch others have it.
I don’t want an anti-depressant anymore, i want an over dose of barbitol, i really just want out of here at this point, can’t give me a pill that makes me sick to get rid of the depression from whomever killing me and pills that i have to take that make me sick because of it.
I was never a sad person either, im just not a depressive person at all, but add some torture, some homelessness, some beatings and threats with knives, poverty, physical pain and illness from meds, just damn!
As usual spent ages building up the courage to go outside…