How to stimulate "real" motivation/investment in things?

i’m so lacklustre or something. i just don’t care. but in my head i think i should motivate self. i just don’t know how. it’s irritating to me, but not enough to actually stimulate some visceral anything, just more almost abstracted but then i …i don’t know. people say find something you love or find something of interest. how do you find how to love or be interested in something when you’re flat?

i go for a run. why? because i think maybe i’ll love it. but it’s just foot foot foot. i just don’t feel invested in anything. i don’t give a ■■■■. i think i’m supposed to now say how much that sucks, but i just don’t actually care how much i don’t care. but on some intellectual level i know that that’s faulty or something. so how do i get invested? how to get motivated? i feel like i’m just going through the motions but it’s not really “clicking” or whatever.

i’m trying to complete an application for a volunteer programme and i just am coming up far short. i’ll go walk my dog instead.

don’t give up yo…I mean it. I don’t do a lot but then I think (just for today I can do this and plan that). I have to move furniture soon and that’s not fun is it lol.

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At least you went running…after my military forced runs I quit running lol…

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I used to run 30 miles a week. Screw that my joints are so busted down. I have one more for you…about non motivated marines lol…

Be afraid…lol, be very afraid.

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thanks man. i appreciate it. i try to keep plugging away and sometimes it’s just, like, why? for how long? i feel like i could literally sit in a chair and stare out the window for the rest of my life and be as content or discontented as if i were to do anything else, you know? like, do, don’t do…there’s a net nothing there. i think i think to want and i don’t know how. it just seems a bit pointless and i’d do as much or as little by sitting smoking all day. but i can tell from the faces of those around me that’s problematic so …yeah. i forgot where i was going with that.

you’re right though.

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I like that too, this affliction and the stuff from the war really made a mixed up life for me. And sometimes I feel that secret rage just don’t give up and rage out though. I used to run, but I’m too fat and the parachuting in the military screwed up my knees so freaking bad bro…but there is a thrilling adventure in life still…even if it’s writing a novel taking window breaks…that’s a step in my book. BTW I didn’t get dressed till about 1030 hours…I’m a wreck for motto (motivation) too.

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Now let’s get hardcore lol.

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Funny huh? Okay you said INVESTING!!! YES!!! I’ll show you some of the best intellectual investments you can make in renewable energy that can save and heal our world. Our industry always changes with the age…and so do our sources of our power right?? Think about that buddy…here we go…

Ensuing possibilities of MORE reactive gas generators exist…I personally believe (pointing to OTEC reactive propane generator)

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Maybe invest in a vacation? I found a hotspot in New Mexico.

http://bjfelix.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/BarbaraFelixArchitecture_LaFondaPlazuela.jpg

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It’s under 200 cash a night and the rooms are supposedly great even though there’s a conspiracy that the hotel is haunted. Go enjoy santé fe for Halloween?

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who’s haunting it and why i wonder… i’m more for going further north than further south. not a fan of too much heat. you like the desert?

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I’ve lived there a lot in the past. Now I’m at a Midwestern farmhouse recovering lol. Sante Fe is a trip though I hear and I secretly wish we could do an all hallows there the old lady and I…orange and black candles whole bit.

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I can identify with your problem. I too am not interested in many things. It goes with being sz. I spend a lot of time watching documentaries on youtube. I enjoy that. I’m at the age where I’m glad of my indifference. I don’t have that need to socialize. I get along with others okay, but I’m not too interested in them. I hope you find contentment.

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Have you tried setting yourself tiny goals, five and twenty-minute tasks and rewarding yourself with something concrete on completion? So if the task completion itself doesn’t make you feel rewarded, your own concrete reward is at least enjoyable, whether it’s a nice cup of coffee, a bar of chocolate, a hair cut, whatever.

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its almost likke protest AGAINST life.

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I always wonder if it`s the illness, or the meds??**

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that’s a good idea, but the problem is that i don’t really have anything i find rewarding, if that makes sense. i’ll try to think of something i would find fitting the bill though. cheers for the suggestion.

i’d be more than happy to discontinue and find out, but i’m on treatment order at present. i can’t really get caught up blaming the meds because i have a lot of trouble when i discontinue historically. plus i’m not keen on either going to jail or back to hospital at the moment and i’m trying not to ■■■■ it all up again. but, yeah, trust me, i think about that but then try to not think about it because that feeds my so-called delusions.

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All work and no play… It’s when things get mundane we tend to turn off so comes down to rewarding yourself more. Write yourself a huge wishlist and reward yourself with something off it after doing something mundane. If you’re totally struggling to come up with something try this is a pdf http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/Fun%20Activities%20Catalogue.pdf

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i can’t honestly say i do either work or play. i mostly do nothing. i go to day programme. i try to stay out of the hospital and get my “self care checklists” mostly done each day. i walk my dog. i talk to husband and father. that’s pretty much it. i don’t really have any desire to do much. that’s kinda the problem. or i perceive it to be a massive problem for others.

that checklist is interesting though and cheers for it. i think maybe i’ll just try some things. see if anything pans out? i don’t really know how to “be motivated” or “want stuff”, you know? i mean, i want to stay out of the hospital, but then i also oftentimes don’t see the point of being in or not being in. it’s all the same day. sun up. sun down. encore. you know? i do a better job of faking it sometimes though and feel like that’s what’s called for. it’s like having a flat affect. i know i should figure out how to have a different one, but it looks and feels forced and weird at times like this. it’s just for others and i just wish i could get them to say ■■■■ beyond “we want you to be happy”… “enjoy life”… “we want you to want to get out more” what the hell am i supposed to do with that?

soz for the mini vent there. i just don’t really understand what these expectations are and how i’m supposed to meet them. it’s like i’m missing a something they have. it’s probably the wiring doing it. but i’m going to not think about that. anyway, cheers. i’ll try some list things and see…