its not one or two times i’ve used up their resources and caused harm to people 
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The apology comes in the act of not doing it again
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Just outta curiosity who are you talking about do you mean the website
Honestly I don’t think you waste time I think your a bit too fixated on denying what is happening to you and asking people stuff they can’t answer due to no medical training
I’m just assuming that’s what you mean
Some of the AA people might have some good insights here.
My own advice would be this:
Take time to think about what you picture happening as a result of your apology. Figure out what your motivation is. Often, the urge to apologize is really a desire to be told that you are a good person, or that you did nothing wrong, or that you are fully forgiven. These are normal human feelings, but bad reasons to apologize.
When you apologize, there is always a chance the person will say “I don’t forgive you and I never will.” If hearing that would crush you, you are not ready to apologize. First, you need to work on accepting that you are allowed to be imperfect and that you are still worthy of your life. Otherwise, the shame will just destroy you, and turn any apology into you begging the other person to make you feel better. That just hurts them all over again.
If you are in a place where you can fully face your past actions, accept that you chose them, and accept that you are still good enough on your own, then you might be ready for apologizing. But you have to first be in a place where your own emotions are stable enough that you can focus on the other person’s emotions as the priority of the conversation.
If you’re talking about the mental health resources that have been used to keep you safe for the past several years, there is nothing to apologize for. That is what the resources exist for. The best way to acknowledge the work that was put into you is by living a fulfilling life. That shows the people that their efforts were worth it. All the doctors and staff put a lot of work into keeping you alive and helping you find sanity. They don’t want an apology. They want to see that they made a difference. They want to see you be happy and reach your goals.
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I just feel like ■■■■ because I’ve wasted the time of doctors, ambulance staff, police etc many times in the past years
I am going to repeat this for you
All the doctors and staff put a lot of work into keeping you alive and helping you find sanity. They don’t want an apology. They want to see that they made a difference. They want to see you be happy and reach your goals.
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idk i feel like i faked it all
I’ve never been suicidal maybe i should’ve stopped acting like a fool and did something productive like studying
It doesn’t matter if you faked it or didn’t. The things you did already happened. There is no way to undo them. When you waste all your energy hating yourself for it, you have less energy to contribute positively to the world. It’s ineffeceint. Maybe the person you need to apologize to is yourself.
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i just wish I wasn’t like this
The police think I’m a faker and attention seeking
Something I have long found to be true is that someone’s worst qualities and best qualities are the same personality trait in different settings.
Someone who is reliable can often get furious when plans change unexpectedly. Someone who is tactful can also be dishonest. Someone who is creative can also be socially inappropriate. What do you think your three best qualities are?
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I don’t have any
You won’t be ready to apologize to anyone until you can find good qualities in yourself.
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Why do you think that
When you apologize, there is always a chance the person will say “I don’t forgive you and I never will.” If hearing that would crush you, you are not ready to apologize. First, you need to work on accepting that you are allowed to be imperfect and that you are still worthy of your life. Otherwise, the shame will just destroy you, and turn any apology into you begging the other person to make you feel better. That just hurts them all over again.
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I do accept that chance
What it the purpose of apologizing? What do you hope will happen?
i would feel better
Then it’s about you, not about the person you’re apologizing to. That’s not an apology.
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You need to figure out how to take responsibility for making yourself feel better. Don’t make it the responsibility of the person you already hurt.
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I guess you’re right. I just wish I could forget the ■■■■ I’ve done