do you know you’re often delusional? how does your insight change as the delusion begins?
if a person had total insight, they wouldn’t be delusional. but i know there’s plenty here who struggle with delusions and know it.
for me, in the past, ive had intense delusions with only the insight that something didn’t seem right with me. i still have suspicious thoughts and some paranoia that borders on delusion. ive had times when my anxiety was overtaking me when i was struggling with becoming delusional, and other times it just happened briefly but i was aware enough the squash the process from starting.
I have insight but it goes down off meds. I still have insight and know how to act normal and stuff in social gatherings and situations. Before, I had panic attacks and stuff and would have to leave the room and go outside to calm down.
the insight i have in psychotic state is not insight
it’s a vague concern at the back of my mind… for about 5 seconds every 2 days or so…
like i thought i had laser eyes and was making chips in paintwork as quite an enduring delusion (on and off - ie it happened then i’d forget about it and get on with main delusions)
part of me every now and then would go “N-oooooooo”
but that was it
same for thinking i was sparkly
My insight was knowing that none of that stuff was true, so i fought it from taking me anymore in that direction. I have been under attack for long periods of time and I just hold steady in unbelief of the thoughts and when it is done i still exist unharmed. I’m stubborn that way.
I try to overcome delusions before they become worse. Before they were noticeably delusional but these days they are pretty real feeling. It can be true. I normally feel paranoid but i don’t want to. I have someone telling me I am going to die that my life and others are in danger. Why did they fill my mind with nonsense, about vampires, werewolves, spacecrafts. I rather would not want to know.
When I talk to medical professionals I talk in their perspectives like how it’s a delusion but deep down I know that it’s real. Sometimes I think this confuses them though but it’s a hard habit I’ve got into
When i become psychotic, i have no insight into what is going on. Now that i’m medicated, i still have some delusional thinking but at least i can recognise it. Doesn’t always make me feel any better, sometimes it is a tug of war in my head between the psychotic delusional side and the side that isn’t.
I usually have insight that my delusions cannot be true. This, however, does not stop me believing them. I have a background in science and most of my delusions are sort of 'Sci Fi". Usually they break the rules of physics - so I know they can’t be true. Also my specialty in Neuroscience, so even though I get thought insertion and thought broadcasting I have a core belief that this is impossible.
So my mind thinks like “This is happening and it’s very real - but obviously it’s a delusion” All the psychiatrists I’ve seen say this is unusual.
I do find it weird though how I can hold two completely opposite beliefs at the same time with no stress or problem at all. I don’t get cognitive dissonance when I’m delusional.
It may help that my delusions are particularly bizarre - like really absolutely no chance they are possible.
Hallucinations on the other hand are harder determine if they are real or not.