This is exactly my experience. There was a lady with a diaper that smelled like urine, and her diaper leaked. She sat in every chair so I also smelled like urine because I also had to sit. The whole ward smelled like her urine. It was disgusting!
I knew I was sz when I couldn’t think anymore.
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when I was fourteen I started being more withdrawn and I think my parents thought a change of scenery would help me–but I started to decline in boarding school. My ability to remember and the fact I write things down so no one can contradict my reality helps me.
So my advice hun would be to start writing. write thing down in a notebook in pen, practice even if its a word or a sentence–let this book be your guide. Bullet journaling is a good technique here is an example.
date: 9/15/22
*what you had for breakfast or ate
*what you posted online or daily activities
*observations and how it felt
*goals, hopes dreams
*fears, symptoms, things u need help with
overall summary
You could start doing this daily. Its cheaper than a therapist. Journaling/writing is key and a technique I used to improve, evolve, and conquer many aspects of schizophrenia.
Not everyone remembers conversations the same way. There is a lot of conflict and stigma when you have an “illness” that makes you perceive reality differently and have certain issues related to that but documenting your personal views will help you grow individually as a person and better communicate to others. I have an amazing memory, when i was in the hospital a tech working there took me to “check up on me” where she said I would never recover from schizophrenia, that it was a chronic life-long disease and would get worse over time that I just had to accept what the psychiatrist says and be compliant–and that I would have false beliefs and only through medication like Abilify and listening to my psychiatrist would I know whats real and what my true memories were.
I got a notebook because they kept throwing away my discharge folder, and i took a pencil and started writing things down every day constantly in my room. At the time you werent allowed to have any writing tools like pencils or markers in your room-strange right? So I did it in secret and then my parents brought me a notebook. I wrote in pencil and marker, observations, thoughts, fears, narrating the events of the day. I can recall on event I wrote down but also remember,
“today i stood up during lunch in the cafeteria and said “look everyone! Im fine! see im not sick Im not sick im leaving!” i walked toward the exit to my right, pushed the door and then realized it was locked and that I couldnt just push the door and leave. A tech yelled at me, “Gabby sit down! If I hear one more outburst from you im calling!” I went back to my table and sat down quietly. then she yelled 'Dont get an attitude with me did you just slam your tray?” I looked to my right, i saw a man come in with an empty strecher with a drip IV attached to it and wheeled it in. I was sitting there eating quietly. I observed him looking around in frustration for the patient who caused the scene. He shrugged his shoulders as if this is bs, and turned around and walked out.
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