I don’t seem to be very good at it. I’ll have a friend for a while, but then it’s like they just get tired of me and don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t think I’m doing anything to bring this on. I mean, I imagine that my symptoms can be frustrating sometimes, but that’s not my fault, and it’s really not something that I can suppress or change.
And like, it’d be one thing if people thought I was annoying or whatever and just didn’t want to be my friend, right? But no, people want to treat me like absolute garbage, and then ask me for favors and sh it; they only want to be around me when they want something. I was in band for three years, and I got invited somewhere literally once, and I managed to convince one single person to hang out with me one single time. Oh, but then people had no issue asking me for my food or drink, asking for tutoring, asking me to literally buy them sh it, asking for rides; hell, three different people asked me if they could borrow my $3000 clarinet because they wanted to sound better, and suggested that I use my old, crappy, plastic beginner clarinet when I asked them what I was supposed to play, as if I was being some selfish ass hole.
Now, I get that the only common denominator here is me, but with all of what I just told you in mind, forgive me if I’m having a difficult time believing that I’m the only problem here.
It sounds like you need to learn skills as to how to find good friends. If you notice the pattern of someone trying to take advantage of you, dump em. A good friend is someone who does not just ask things from you but you know they would return any favor and help you as well. A good friend is someone who you can tell genuinely enjoys your company. Look for people who share your interests, and your sense of humor. A good friend will be supportive when you are struggling, but remember friends are not therapists, using them as such can put massive strain on a friendship.
Ok, have something in common with them,
be willing to share the pleasurable things you have, food, laughter, thinking, and just plain fun…leave the deep stuff for another time when they know you better.
Leave them wanting more.
If you reveal too much too soon, there isn’t much more to come back and discover.
Be assertive the first time someone asks you for something you’d rather not give by declaring,"Sorry, I don’t loan/give rides to ‘friends.’
Reason being they aren’t there to be your friend if they are only looking to take advantage of you.
Thanks guys for the tips! I will definitely try to be more mindful when talking to people. That said, I’m looking for friends, not soulmates, you know? I mean, I don’t seem to have any issues finding people who like me, but people just don’t seem too interested in getting to know me. It’s like I’m the Wizard of Fûcking Oz to these people.
Remember that good friends mostly want to spend time with you, but a good way to get to know someone is by helping them out. I used to drive my best friend to school every day back when we were just acquaintances. After awhile we got close and now we just go grocery shopping together weekly to just hang out. If someone asks you to help them, help them, but if they won’t help you back it is good to drop them.
I have a hard time making friends cuz I have trust issues and my self esteem constantly has me wondering why the people I’m talking to want anything to do with me. Over the last few months I’ve been nurturing a couple close friendships and learning what it’s like to be a true friend. I had to learn it’s okay to say “no” and not feel guilty and I also learned that it’s okay to say “yes” to some things and not feel like I’m being taken advantage of. It’s a LOT of work maintaining these relationships and I’m still unsure of a lot of things but I’m finding that I’m happier overall.
In my opinion, I don’t think you are the problem some people are just parasites, confuse kindness for weakness and it isn’t right at all. I been there, a lot of my so called “friends” left me when I was in need or they no longer needed me, just like that disposable. Right now I only have 4 friends and I manage to keep this relationship by hearing them and sharing back, because friends are there to hear you out. I rarely hang out but when I do we have fun, I also try to understand their point of view but defend my own and respectfully disagree. These are just some things I have done to keep my friendship. But don’t fall for people who just want to take, those aren’t friends at all.
Friends can even be relatives. We are very close to my wife’s cousins who are really cool and like a lot of the things we do like art, music, food, pets… We usually find plenty to talk about.
One friend I email with a few times a year but we were best friends and have lost our bond and it’s just “polite cold talk”now and we don’t meet or chat or text or talk on the phone just a email.
I am trying to get contact with old friends but they ignore me and seem to want nothing to do with me😮.
I know some friends I had over 16 years ago didn’t want to be my friends because I didn’t work (and I still don’t).
One guy I wasn’t there for him when his mum died because I didn’t comprehend it and forgot about it so I was a bad friend.
I don’t have friends as such.
No friends I can chat with.
No friends I can hang out with.
It sucks but I’m socially awkward and complicated so it’s difficult for me to make new friends and I couldn’t keep the friends I had.
I was a bad person though.
I was a sl ut , binge drinker etc
I have improved myself but still don’t have friends .
I have my sacred neigh.
I have family.
I like to believe I have friends in spirit because someone said I’m there best friend (through my body they said it)2 people said I’m there best friend.i like to believe that’s true and not a delusion.
Good for you that you don’t have a hard time making friends.
The true art of conversation is listening. For staying friends with people it’s shared experience and knowing that person to a certain extent. It’s a skill and it can be learned so start small. Trying to know one person is a good start. What do they like? How do they like their coffee? Remembering little things cements bonds.
Thanks guys. It’s so strange to me, because there’s no way that so many people are doing it on purpose, you know? It’s not like I’m being bullied. People just sort of tell themselves that I have other friends so that they don’t feel so guilty about not caring about me. No one asks how I’m doing, no one wishes me happy birthday, no one contacts me first unless they want something. People will literally ignore me for months and then randomly text me to ask if they can use my fûcking Netflix.
And look, I’ll be the first one to admit that I often help people in part because the guilt that I’ll feel for not helping is so much greater than the guilt I’ll feel for helping without being completely selfless, but you could say that my conscience has a few holes in it. I used to think it made me a bad person, led to me trying to force myself to feel some sort of remorse, but now, I see that it protects me from being readily duped. It was my clarinet, I sounded good on it, and I wanted to play it. That didn’t make me feel guilty then, and it doesn’t make me feel guilty now, but you know what? I still allowed people to use it, not out of obligation, but out of love. And that? That is what hurts me the most.
I gave them my love. The funny, the determined, and the gracious, the racist, the misogynistic, and the jealous. I gave all of them my unguarded, unadulterated love, and they just used it when it benefited them, and then threw it back in my face when they were done, as if my devotion were a cloth to be soiled, washed, and reused. It’s just so frustrating and unfair, not to mention generally unwise, on their part. Don’t be a goddamn dick to the guy who’s making your food.
I’ll tell ya from my experience… it is very important to not wear people out.
Are illness is one of neuroticism and that has us sounding like broken records when we’re stressed.
Really gotta just recognize what people can and can’t help you with… and find a healthier place to vent the heavier things… like this website… it’s great for getting it all out.
perhaps consider constructing a fake character to sort of inhabit when around others… it sucks I know… like commiting to not being recognized for who you are… but people like simple… keep it simple
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. As you get older it seems a lot of people lose connections with others. Just the way it seems to go.
Unfortunately Sz seems to speed this process up somewhat.
If I could be bothered with hobbies, I’d probably try some clubs and stuff like that. I am not into sports which if you are, people seem to bond quite heavily over cricket, football etc.
Your real friends are family, and if you can keep those relationships going, it’s for the better.
I understand, however, the person you know on the forum is not who I am in real life. I don’t put on a façade for you guys, but I talk about my problems a lot, and believe it or not, I’m a lot more conservative on here than I am in real life, because this is first and foremost a support forum for people with severe mental illness, not the YouTube comment section, and there are certain opinions that simply don’t need to be discussed here.
In real life, I rarely discuss my symptoms with anyone but my mom. Even in high school and over text, we discuss other things. And it’s not that I’m ashamed of my illness, because I’m not, and I have no issue discussing it with anyone who asks, but honestly, who wants to talk about schizophrenia 24/7, you know? There are other things in life. TV, movies, documentaries, videos, music, memes, food, trivia, pictures, games, jokes, the news, memories, work, school, gossip, why the fûck my fingernails won’t grow any longer that three centimeters without breaking, etc.
.
She may have her unicorn 
moments but I call her my sacred neigh because she neighs and is sacred to me.