I don’t like people. Generally I feel the more I learn about someone the more reasons I have to dislike them. I don’t particularly want to feel this way… and there are a few people I get along with… but it is very few people. I would like to make more friends and have more people to talk to but I find that if the other person is not persistent in tearing down my walls the friendship normally dies. And I can count the number of people I trust on one hand (and still have fingers left).
Is this part of the illness or am I just a bad person?
I also have a hard time making friends, because I don’t go out of my way to approach people, I usually let them come to me first. And if I make a friendly contact, I find I can’t keep the friendship more than an acquaintance. I have a few friends, but I haven’t invited them over or anything, and only text them once in a blue moon. So I’m pretty rotten at keeping friendships active. I wouldn’t say its my illness, but it would make my introversion worse, so it has a part to play, its mostly my shy introverted personality, but that doesn’t make me a bad person, and neither would it make you a bad person either.
Probably part of the illness and part of your personality. I too have a small group of people I trust. I’ll be your friend. Online friendships don’t count for much but at least it something. I spend most of my time alone and I’d love someone to chat with. From what I understand you don’t like guys, but thats cool with me. I’m a man but I’m harmless. If you ever feel like chatting shoot me a pm. Im never to far from my phone or computer.
The thing is to have quality over quantity when it comes to friends. Difficulties with making friends does not make you a bad person though it can, in my experience, feel like that at times.
@BryanAshley Please don’t take the not liking guys personally. I have been trying to work on that for some time now. I realize that it is not logical for me to feel the way I do towards them but it is hard to control. I have been doing better talking to guys online occasionally. But like everyone the conversations don’t last and I have a habit of disappearing.
@Hadeda I am introverted as well, I just envy the people who have lots of friends to laugh and do things with. But if I recall times I have been asked to go out to do something with a friend I remember I make excuses to stay home… it is not for lack of people trying to include me… it is that I refuse … it is no wonder why they eventually stop asking. I like my privacy and space… but i think part of it is I am scared for what people would think of me seeing me at my worst… or if something were to happen… at home I feel safe… and I can control what stimulus I receive… i can control the volume of music or the light or what is going on around me… in public i don’t have control over the loud noises, or unpredictable people or … things.
Well for serious. If you ever feel like talking. Ill start, I live in Kansas and there really aint nothing to do around here aside from drink and go to shows for the local bands I know. My friends are all artists or musicians. There an interesting bunch but they drink a lot and smoke weed, not all of them but it still has its presence. Most of the time I feel like I can’t keep up with them. I’ve got a or had a huge set of anxieties that plagued my every moment. This is when I thought everyone was telepathic, thank god at least that part of this disease is getting better. Im still a voice hearer. They call me a bisexual and tell bisexuals don’t exist, and tell me to “go outside and kill myself.” I used to hear the devil, but since I dropped my belief in him that voice has stopped persisting.
I live in Oklahoma, there is not much to do here either. We are in the middle of tornado season and I wonder if we will have bad storms this year. I got a new tablet that I am looking forward to learning digital art on. I plan to take lots of photos at the zoo on Sunday and paint and sketch them. And I am excited to see the new X-Men movie out this week but I am freaking about about having to be so close to people to see it because it is memorial day weekend… I hope they don’t touch me and that Katie will let me wear my hoodie. (she says it makes me look like a man and not feminine)
She doesn’t like that I take it. This weekend I’m going camping with my Dad. I never really see the guy so it should be a good time to catch up. Ive been disappointed with the last few x men movies so I probably wont see this one. In theaters anyways. I did see Godzilla though. It was decent I paid with a gift card so there wasn’t really much to regret. Definitely had some awesome moments and moved along at a reasonable pace. I really hate movies that drag on with a few exceptions. Like akira’s Dreams that movie was slow as hell but the scenes were so immersive.
That’s got to be crazy I still remember how bad the voices were when I went psychotic. They were telepathically scolding me take the form of voices from my parents and relatives. I was afraid they were going to kill me in my sleep. Looking back now it all seems so irrational I wonder if it could get that bad again if I came off my meds. I want to because I’ve only got 1 year left on my parents insurance and I don’t think I can afford to stay medicated.
It’s pretty stupid that the meds are the only option. My mother basically requires that I take them. She blames all the subtle differences in my mood on the meds and chemical imbalances and the such its pretty annoying
I have a hard time making friends also. I’m more introverted and a loner so it’s difficult. I also don’t put a lot of trust in folks like I used to. Once the trust has really been est., I’ll let folks into my world a little more.
The older I get, the more I realize that people aren’t interested in making “complicated friends”. I’m most certainly a complicated person. Weather on!
I go through this when I am hitting a depression. Nothing is good enough, and I feel rotten and all around me is rotten and hence people become rotten. But when I’m out of the depression, I’m not looking at the faults so much. I written a lot of people off in my life for things such as “not artistic enough” “not enlightened enough” “drives a gray car”
Then I had no friends at all and I was pushing my sis away too. But when I got out of the depression and started learning patience, I ended up with one of my oldest friends back in my life.
This has been an ongoing problem for me since we first moved to the states. We moved around a lot so my friends were temporary, that might have something to do with this. But it might also be that I am just socially awkward and don’t really know how to keep friends, my life is very self absorbed at times and it is sometimes hard to think about others. It seems like I think about my partner K unless I am having an episode in which case it is all about me. Otherwise I only occasionally think about others. And I suppose that doesn’t make for a good friendship if the friendship is largely one sided. It is as if I am constantly distracted if a friend comes and persistently interrupts my train of thought frequently enough for me to notice them then I will focus on them genuinely, but otherwise my mind is on other things. So I guess I can have a 2 sided friendship but it requires the friend to be proactive about contacting me and willing to drag me out of my house against my will.