That’s so lovely of you to say, @Nimbus! Thank you. I haven’t given up yet – I trust I will be able to find the right treatment that allows me to reconnect with my passions and pursue them once again.
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This is most difficult question. Because my identity is defined by my illness. That’s why I became ill. Thoughts disorder came from it. If I did not become schizophrenic than sure my identity has not any problem to worry.
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Yes I agree. Its really difficult to ask. And maybe I shouldn’t be asking. But it’s very individual and there are many different responces that can be quite hopeful too. Things do evolve and change over time. Things might get better, stay the same or get worse. But theres always different ways to define yourself too. Just picking out things you like, things you notice, maybe other people don’t have those qualities or personal characteristics but you do. I know its really hard though. And also i’m sorry if this kind of question has you doubting your identity aside the schizophrenia.
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I’ve also noticed a tendency to identify myself with the illness, but that’s dangerous.
I try to abide by the principle “fake it until you make it”, so I behave as normally as I can - I socialize, I go places, I sometimes work, and I ALWAYS indulge in at least one hobby.
The AP has helped me tremendously, too. I don’t have intrusive thoughts or voices.
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I got back into cooking by forcing myself to do some every day and to do several new recipes a week (simple stuff to start with). It was a case of “faking it 'til you make it.” It was a slog and I was unhappy about cooking until I suddenly wasn’t and the joy came back. I went from just wishing I could reheat a cheapie meal to looking forward to my small pot of goulash. The same trick worked for reading, photography, etc. It’s almost a Sisyphean task to get going, but once you get into the daily habit you’re 95% there and you’ll get the results at some point. You just have to lead your brain back to where you want it to be.
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Sz is not an identity.
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Good advice.
I started reading again, which is amazing! I’m so excited about it! There was a book I wanted to read, so I just did it. I started another book last night, and I had to go back and reread some paragraphs, but that was ok. I read fast, which is nice.
Forcing myself into creating will be/is harder. I have voices that forbid me to do it. They make me feel like they will kill me, that I should die, that I am bad. And right now I believe them. Ugh. BUT I’ve been able to draw twice in the past couple of weeks, so it’s a start. And I’ve got an idea in my head for the next metal piece I’m going to sculpt/create.
I agree, it’s a Sisyphean task.
I have started talking about this stuff with my therapist, about how to work while the voices tell me not to.
I just don’t feel the way I used to before meds, and that is devastating. I don’t have the same level of vision in my head that I used to.
I hope the actions will take me back, like you said.
Thanks!
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Are you keeping a recovery journal? If you are, make a section for each time the voices threaten to harm/kill you and details. Date, time, exactly what, etc. As the days and months pass you’ll see the trend of your voices’ threats having all the gravitas of the promises of a politician seeking relection: Not a single thing they promise comes to be. This is the best way I know of to remove their power (that you are giving them) by showing yourself that they are JUST NOISE. That’s when you come to believe in YOU, not them. And you can just LAUGH AT THEM and DO WHAT YOU WANT TO.
SZ doesn’t change what we can do as much as it changes our perception of what we can do. We’re still us, we just have to shake some crap off and get going again. Trust in yourself.
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There is actually a kind of sz identity that is becoming common in American political culture. For some reason it appears to be right wing, maybe because sz causes you to become alone and individualistic in some ways, but sz can also cause ego death sometimes. The sz identity or persona has some of the attributes I already mentioned: against the government and health authorities, espouses and supports conspiracy theories, encourages fake news and delusions, writes and speaks without conventions. This identity/ persona is mainly seen on the internet, but perhaps can be seen at protests etc.
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I think we have quite enough stigma already. I’ll refer you to this:
The TLDR version is that they’re a–holes.
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Are we truly are body’s / minds or are we spiritually beings having a human experience lol…
We don’t get to choose the cards we are dealt in this world but we gotta make the best of it…
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How is that sz? Isn’t sz a medical diagnosis?
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Yeah sz isn’t those symptoms itself. Sz is an underlying physical condition of the brain, or even the genes in the body. But the outward signs of sz are being simulated by people I guess as a kind of antagonism to authorities, or as a way of pushing an alternate reality, I’m not really an expert.
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Interesting idea! I keep a journal, but I’ve never kept a recovery journal.
That’s right – they say I’m going to die if I create, but so far… here I am, alive and kicking…
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Puckish rogue. Clever storyteller. Culmination of four generations of strong women.
I’m many things, have many hats. The SZA is just a part of that, a part I lament when they hold me back from doing what I want, but not one that consumes my character.
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That belongs on a coffee cup or t-shirt.
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A dashingly painted llama in a dungeons and dragons style rogue garb super imposed(think that’s the right term?) with a picture of puck looking down on me and smiling.
I need to commission that. Lol!
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For several years, I didn’t know my identity other than a schizoaffective, type 1 diabetic, asthmatic, fibromyalgic young woman. My identity was just my health problems, because I had no hobbies or interests.
But last November, I started to find some new hobbies. So now, my identity is: I’m a young woman who likes to knit and crochet. I also love animals, so I also love going to the aquarium, the zoo, and the aviary (birds). I also love the Farmers Market.
I feel like a “real person” again, as I think I’m more than just my disabilities.
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It is a fair question. Outside, I am a trader, and 20 years time, I would like to be remembered as the prince of the pit. lol…I really mean I am eyeing more than a 100 percent annual return for 20 years. I want to be rich. In the process if I were to get good enough, I would like to manage other people’s money. Simply, make a killing for them and myself. It would make me feel good.
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