My dad died on Sunday. Today is he viewing. I can’t stand to be touched. Truth be told I was sexually abused by him for thirteen years growing up. It’s going to be grueling getting through these next two days. Any advice on how to handle the family and try to keep the psychosis to a minimum?
I do not know. I have not been in any funerals since 1989, 25 years ago. I do not like funerals and in the past there have been few, but I have not gone to any, I suppose this is my way to have the peace of my mind.
I do not know if you can forgive your father and forget what has happened. In my childhood my father was abusive when drunk, but all these have been forgiven and forgotten and I visit him regularly at the elderly care facility. We all have our faults, some have bigger and some smaller.
If you have a therapist do talk it through with them.
if you strongly believe that going to your abuser’s (Dad’s) funeral will destabilize you - I personally would think long and hard not to attend, but this is me.
Funerals are a big trigger for me - and I made it clear to my parents who are very elderly - that I may not be attending their funeral when its their time. They totally understood me. Do not feel bad or guilty for not going to the funeral - but it is up to you
These funerals can take it over the edge. Many years ago my father’s brother and sister died almost at the same time and then there was a funeral for two of them. We, I and my father, did not go to the funeral because it might have destabilized our psychological state and could have caused some serious harm to my weak father. So do not go if you might think it would be harmful and might take you over the edge.
only go to his funeral if you want to go. noo pressure on you at this difficult time if you don’t like people touching you say sorry I don’t like hugs/to be touched.
My father passed away last year, and I was there physically, but not there mentally. I don’t know how I survived it, all those people, and yes, even a bunch of hugs by my brothers friends whom I hadn’t seen in at least30 years. I was honest when they asked if I knew who they were, and didn’t have a clue.
They all had changed dramatically, and me, they say none.
I couldn’t look at my father laying there. Just peeked one time, and I know it wasn’t him laying there. I was with him the morning he died. Death was obvious, and I knew he was finally free. I toldhim I loved him, and missed him already, and I’m positive he was still in the room long enough to understand.
How to handle your farther’s funeral?
All I can tell you is it helped me to not be there mentally, think of a place in your mind that you loved to go and feel comfortable. Distract yourself with things that you find funny, sounds odd, but I would think of the things my dad used to say that created distance between us. No one is perfect, nor can be all that we need them to be, so it helped me to think that I was doing my duty as daughter by being there for my mother, since my dad wouldn’t know the difference if I was there or not.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead.Support those still alive, if you feel you should.
I made it throughthe funeral ok, on the way to the burial, there were 14 motorcycle riders in the procession flying the American flag.
It was when they played “Taps” and shot the 21 gun salute, I couldn’t hold back my tears.
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Can try to go near the end of the viewing when there usually aren’t as many people…
I went to a couple funerals as a child and when i was 21 and touched the waxy corpses… they don’t even feel real…but I have to say my grandmother looked a lot better in that casket than she had for several months dying slowly…she seriously looked like a mummy or a zombie as she was dying…kinda scary.