I don’t have any tactics to fight with the “no one loves me” delusion that is rearing its ugly head again. My therapist knows nothing about sz or sza. It’s really causing me problems because instead of it just being centered on my parents it is pulling C in too! C and I haven’t really talked for a few weeks it feels like. Either I am asleep or he is asleep. I don’t know. I just feel so distant from him. We played a pirate video game the other day together (he was pushing the actual buttons while I was telling him what I wanted done).
It wasn’t as satisfying as it usually is. I don’t know. I just feel lost…
I guess the only thing I need to do is get this sleep thing hammered out (even though it’s him that’s on the weird schedule).
I think that this all stems from when some guys said they wanted to beat him up. He said he wasn’t worried about it and I didn’t know about it till it was basically over,( he’s a pretty big guy. He can handle them) but it just got me thinking. What else isn’t he telling me?
In some of your post you mention your egg carton insulation. That you were feeling very insulated from life. Maybe that is happening again? People insulating you.
It’s been happening to me and I am beginning to hate it. I am starting to almost resent being insulated. I can see the hard knocks my sis is getting drug through, but she won’t talk about it with me because I’m being insulated. She’s afraid to express emotion.
As far as delusions? There are some I just have to live with and work around. I know they won’t go away, so I just have to stop talking about them and live my life anyway. Others I can try and question myself and try and fit the pieces together. Others I need help with. I needed family to help me out of them.
Is it possible that your own feelings are causing this rift between you and C? What if he isn’t worried about what happened and there isn’t anything else that he isn’t telling you?
If he isnt worried, I would not worry either. You could just ask him if theres anything else you need to know? I can`t handle waiting and thinking about things. Sometimes, I SHOULD wait! In your case, I would certaintly ask. Hope your feeling better today
Thank you.-----------------------------------------------------------