I try my best to ignore it but it’s hard and it’s present with me from when I wake until I sleep. It’s been like this for 4 years. I have accepted the feeling of not having a ‘private’ thought or at least the feeling of not having my thoughts heard by a third party.
I try to have as little embarrassing thoughts as possible.
I find i am talking to the voice in my head all day long. But it doesn’t reply in sentences just a couple words or single word (which usually gets under my skin).
I find distractions help a lot. Such as watching a video, working out, hanging out with my girlfriend or friend, etc.
I am able to function pretty highly I work two part time jobs. And I hide my schizophrenia very well if I didn’t tell you; you wouldn’t know I had it. But internally I am a mess.
I found accepting the voices helped me cope better then when I was fighting what I was hearing. I am less emotional, more positive, and a lot more socially active.
Yes I am on loxapine and seroquel. The doctor recently upped my dose of seroquel as I have been getting more frustrated at hearing this voice in the past couple of weeks.
My voices don’t really do much. Just tease me with a few words. I feel like I talk to them more then they talk to me. As I feel I send all my thoughts to them. I am in constant conversation with this one voice (voice of an old friend).
Feel like initially the voice wanted me to believe I was stumbling upon something and the more I listened the better I would be. Despite fighting this I had no choice and couldn’t stop hearing the voice.
Now like I said I just accept it. Just feels like I have no privacy and in near constant battle with it as it teases me so I make fun and attack my old friend in my head… it’s awful.
Also the more I tried to find reasons for it not to be true (that I had some kind of link to this person) the stronger the voice would become. Attacking me harder.
Usually as long as I have my attention focused on something the voices are silent. They hit me while I’m drifting off to sleep. If it’s a good voice, I let it talk me to sleep. If it’s the mean one, I usually get up and do something else for thirty minutes then try again. The mean voice is pretty rare.
I’ve figured out my particular disorder and the patterns in my behavior and the voice content. As long as nothing new crops up, I think I can handle this. I’m going up to 15 mg of Zyprexa which might knock out the night voices.
The incidents where I’m told to harm myself or others are pretty rare, usually once or twice a month and I just let those slide right off. They tend not to repeat themselves if I leave it alone. I decided a long time ago that if they told me that repeatedly for a day or more I’d go into the hospital, but that hasn’t happened yet.
My voices don’t tell me to harm myself but I get aggressive with them to the point of threatening harm to the person. But luckily I’ve always been a pretty passive person and a part of me still believes it just the disease.
Nonetheless for almost the past 4 years felt like I am sending all my thoughts to this person.
Like I said in the above post my med is increasing but scared of trying and increasing new meds due to side effects. I find some sides have made holding a job a very hard thing to do. For example I work nights and my pdoc took over 6 months to tell me change from taking a sedating med at 9pm to taking it before bed. Working nights this was brutal as I felt like sleeping at 10-11pm and had to suffer for hours feeling like I would pass out. I understand meds for the most part should be taken at the same time every night but she should have known and almost cost me a good job.
I also got blurred vision from a higher dose of loxapine which was later cut in half. And had a horrible reaction after having 3 beers one night during a Halloween party and broke down. Had to go home early almost on tears.
Yeah I’ll always be mad at my longest-time pdoc for having me on Seroquel for sleep issues. Antipsychotics are heavy-handed drugs, that was a bad call. It shouldn’t have been considered then, I only had Bipolar at the time. Once sz symptoms hit it became an option for managing it, but I think that I started developing TD and akathisia for several years before I had sz because of the six years I was taking it just for sleep.
I try not to have embarassing thoughts but I can’t. My voices are so real, I think my thoughts are self defeating too. I need help sometimes. I am afraid of people reading and seeing my thoughts. Today they said they are going to kill me, this makes me really anxious.
I think finding a person you can trust and spending time with them outside in public will help that a lot. I found the more social I got the better I got. Some embarrassing thoughts I get now don’t bother me as much as they use to. I am just use to what the voice will say and ignore it. Sometimes I even just laugh it off. However there are other times when I get pissed off.
I still feel scared that others can hear my voice to in public mostly people I have a lot of interaction with but aren’t friends with. Such as co workers and the odd time I’ll have a thought come out external in their voice. I try to brush it off and recover from it. Sometimes I have to go to the washroom to do this so I can be alone.
I am finding people to be social with too, meet and going out together, I hope I don’t have anxiety attacks. I like being around people sometimes and other times I am nervous. I don’t want to be noticed.
