Hi guys, I am having trouble processing and accepting my diagnosis. I recently underwent my first relapse and while it was short lived, I cannot help but to feel that I am so strange and so weird and I am so ashamed about what I experienced. Does anyone else have difficulties with their self esteem post a schizophrenia or psychosis diagnosis? The nature of my illness involved thought broadcasting where I felt violated by humanity who I supposed had access to my thoughts. I must believe that it is a by product of becoming taken over by my emotions and fears until such a time that I lose all rationality. Around this I constructed a narrative regarding Luciferian witchcraft given things I had been reading online (vigilantcitizen.com) about Hollywood, the music industry and entertainment industry. I also briefly heard whisperings and voices but I wouldn’t class myself as a voice hearer. And if I experienced a pain in my body, I supposed that something, some external entity was doing this to me. I don’t know why, I just don’t understand why I was vulnerable and credulous and naive in this way but I was. I feel really bad about myself. I feel guilty. In the back of my mind, I feel like I must be a total freak and I am having trouble overcoming the self stigma. Can anyone else relate?
Yeah it was really hard for me when I got my diagnosis back in 2018 and “came to” from my psychosis. I was petrified that I would not be able to take care of myself or be able to trust my own perceptions. I was also angry at myself for what I did while psychotic and apologized to a lot of people. Now that I think about it, there was a lot of anger toward myself and then despair about my future.
I’ve dealt with self-stigma by pushing myself to do things that I didn’t think someone could with my diagnosis and being around others. It’s dramatically changed how I think about myself and I am still developing a new identity.
I feel like a freak too and I’m just getting by as far as self esteem goes. It’s a vicious cycle. The things in my head make me unable to do much about it all. I guess it’s best to set small goals or give yourself more credit. And, it’s never too late to think in new ways and improve. I mean it’s hard when people want to know who you are and all you feel you can say is “oh ive gone insane”
Self acceptance is hard but good for you. So, you’re sick in this way. Others have other issues. We are all worth love and respect. A diagnosis doesn’t change that. You’re still awesome.
Rat out my scumbag neighbors for all the bullsh*t they do. But I have to handle this like a mature adult.
Ozzy Osborne bit the head off a bat and didn’t care what anybody thought.
Just be yourself most people can’t even remember what they had for breakfast yesterday no one’s gonna worry about you. Besides realistically we’re anti-social so why care.
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