I feel like crap. Group therapy feels like a waste of time. I have a plan to end it but no means. And no plans to obtain the means. I think about it a lot but never do anything. Though I’m starting to get intrusive thoughts that I’ll make an impromptu decision to get what I need for my plan. Or start cutting deeper than I have been. Should I bother with inpatient? Last time I was hospitalized, I REALLY didn’t have a good time. And it gives me anxiety just thinking about returning. I don’t know if inpatient will be worth it at this point considering I don’t even wanna go to group. Idk. I really wanna talk to my individual therapist about this but I don’t talk to her til Saturday. What to do.
5 Likes
When you can’t bear it anymore.
If you have a safety plan. Follow it.
Do something good for yourself, reach out to someone, even a crisis hotline.
Try to sleep. If it is unbearable, and you don’t trust yourself, the hospital is a better option. Hospitalization keeps you safe, it won’t be fun either way.
5 Likes
I was peak suicidal earlier this year and I did not bother going even in my worst moments. I think if you had a terrible experience and it made you worse why bother going again? Just ask for an appointment and then tell your doc that you’re having suicidal thoughts.
2 Likes
Going inpatient is better than being dead. I’d be more honest with the people on your medical team as well. Let them know what you’re thinking.
5 Likes
That’s kinda my problem. I’ll keep bearing it until suddenly I can’t anymore. And at that point I won’t be calling anyone for help. That’s what I worry about. But right now hospital feels like im being overly dramatic because I’m still beating it. I dunno.
I don’t have a safety plan. I will try to sleep.
2 Likes
I’m in a group program now that meets 5 days a week. I let them know that I’m struggling with suicidal ideation yesterday. They accepted it and moved on so I didn’t bring it up again. Plus everyone else in the class is doing better than I am and I just feel like a killjoy anytime I try to speak. So I don’t.
1 Like
I always thought people brought you in for inpatient. Ive never personally gone.
I think in canada they would send you back out in a day if you self admitted. I could be wrong.
1 Like
Easier for others if I stay but harder for me.
I don’t know how to talk about it. I’m gunna bring down everyone’s mood. I know I shouldn’t care but I do. I also don’t wanna be sent away without being prepared first.
1 Like
Why don’t you go to the emergency?
1 Like
I’m in the US. The last time I was hospitalized I brought myself. Told them I didn’t feel safe alone. They kept me on a 72 hr hold.
1 Like
Yes. There’s your answer. When you get to that point, you probably won’t have the insight to ask for help.
My understanding is that inpatient is the best way to go if you’re either actively suicidal or homocidal.
I know we don’t pick the hospital first choice, but if I were in your shoes, I’d be talking myself into being open to the possibility.
I think you should print or screenshot your own post and forward it to your team electronically if that’s an option.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting like this. I agree that after a point, group therapy doesn’t cut it. You’re doing a great job reaching out to us. I’m so glad about that.
Keep talking, and keep sharing honestly with your treatment team. You’re treading in serious territory here and I’m concerned for you.
2 Likes
Because they’re gunna take my only coping mechanisms away. I’m struggling with the depression but I’m worried they will see my SZA diagnosis and treat me poorly like they did last time. The hospital also triggers my paranoia BAD.
1 Like
Depends if you are a threat to yourself or others. I was admitted one time for a week because I was lucky enough to realize I was going downhill before it happened.
2 Likes
Oh my goodness, yes. I already locked my last thread, and am kinda shocked I haven’t closed my current one, much as I don’t want to.
I always think, why would anyone want to talk to one of the lowest functioning people here?
(Please, no replies here on this thread about my statement about myself. This is bittercat’s thread. I only shared what I did so they’d know they’re not alone in feeling the way they do)
1 Like
Phooey. That is not you and that is not @bittercat. We’re always happy to hear from both of you.
4 Likes
Bitter cat that’s not the end of the world to go to the mental ward if you have suicidal ideations.
When I had suicidal thoughts in my 20s I went to the mental ward 36 times.
Just go.
Your dead would be a great loss for us all.
2 Likes
I am seriously considering it. I have an appointment on Saturday with my individual. I plan on at least hanging on until I can talk to her.
Thanks for the screenshot idea. I will be using it.
And thanks again for the kind words. I’m trying to put this all somewhere so I’m not completely alone with these thoughts. I will share more with my health care team if I can figure out how. I really appreciate your concern.
1 Like
This is exactly how I feel. Thanks for sharing.
1 Like
I know it’s not a big deal. It just feels so dramatic. I don’t want to scare my loved ones… I decided I’m going to wait to see my individual therapist before I decide to go or not.
1 Like
Update: I opened up a little more in group. I didn’t even share much and I started crying in front of everyone. I felt really stupid crying like that but it happened. No one judged me for it so that’s good I guess. I didn’t tell them I have a plan or anything. But I told them I feel like I can’t talk and that I feel like group isn’t working. Everyone was understanding. I still don’t feel better:( I feel like I’m in limbo. Wanting so badly to go but forced to stay.
2 Likes