I was in the security industry for many years.
When I started to look for bugs everywhere and blamed organisations for listening into all my conversations through my cellphone and landline, the people around me believed me.
Even my boss believed me. I searched topics on phones that could be tapped into and had my boss convinced that his phoned was tapped also. When we had meetings we use take out the cellphone batteries. I even had my psychologist at the time convinced that people was plotting against me and he never suspected sz.
It was only when my guilt trips, paranoia and delusions started to take on outragious proportions that my psychologist refered me to a psychiatrist.
I live everyday with the delusion that this is a conspiracy and people with SZ are being alienated by earth in some sort of game the normies are playing with us. It basically stems from the thought broadcasting delusion I have where I hear everyone Iām around make snide comments towards me but not to my face. Iām trying to come to terms that this isnāt real but when I start to I get slapped in the face with an offhanded comment from someone. I live it daily at home and at work or whenever Iām out in public. Iām hoping it gets better one day.
@Xade I use to think that people are tormenting me with colours to drive me crazy. The most prominent colour was maroon.
Everywhere I looked was maroon cars and people with maroon clothes. When I sat down at a restuarant people with maroon clothes would stare at me like I am a serial killer.
I stayed 350 kilometers from the psychiatrist I was about to see. My road trip was hell. I was like a wild hare in a cage. I kept looking left, right, rear in the mirrors and front for maroon cars and trucks on the road.
At one stage there was maroon vehicles to my left, right, front and rear. I was petrified by this onslaught for 350 kilos.
By the time I reached the spychiatrist my mind was racing and I had severe heart palpitations. As I sat down in her office she pick up a maroon pen and started writing. I stood up and wanted to leave. I told her that she was one of āthemā. She diagnosed me immediately after being 1 minute in her office. We started meds immediately. It took time for the positive symptoms to subsideā¦but it didā¦so I do have hope for you that things will get better
My delusion is there virtually all the time. I forget about it for short stints of time like at school, watching a movie or talking with someone. When I am alone (which is most of the time), I am keenly aware that I am being controlled and monitored 24/7/365. My whole world is fake. It is a HUGE undertaking. All the people at school, at Starbucks and driving around me on the road are āin on itā. Even my family is āin on itā but I am not confrontational about that. I am surrounded by cameras and even have a camera in my eye. 'They" can take over my mind whenever they want to and I live in fear of them. The news is fake and so are all the events covered in the news. It is all stage set and fake. āTheyā wonāt let me see reality which is much, much more peaceful and emotionally mature. I get very, very sad because I am stuck here with no way out and they wonāt give me a good life. They make it hard on purpose. They have tormented me on purpose for years just to watch me and my brain react. I feel like a severely kicked lab rat being watched like a fish in a bowl all the time. Only my cat isnāt in on it. He is 100% real and has no clue whatās going on.
@47average, I had this delusion, which still flares up at times, that I am being controlled by behaviorism. Just like the mouse in the cage.
āTHEYā plant conditioned stimili in my way just to see me react.
They have military precision in timing my responses to the stimuli.
That was one of my most tiredsome delusions. I looked for cameras and microphones everywhere. I did counter surveillance by installing my own spy cameras in the most unimaginable places. I looked for cameras in the light fittings, in the smoke detectors, in electric apliances and wall sockets and closed cellphone and laptop cameras with tape.
Iām sorry to hear that you are still suffering these positive symptoms. I hope that things will turn out better for you real soon.
I hope so too. Thank you. I keep hoping these people controlling my brain will take the delusion away. In other words, I will still be in the brain study, I just wonāt know anymore and I can live a ānormalā life. Provided they donāt hurt me too much. I will think itās normal even if it is still fake. I have heard it can take years for delusions to go away.
I donāt even bother to look. The whole world is in on this. Itās way, way bigger than the CIA or FBI. No chance I would find all the cameras or microphones (I also have microphones in my ears). They are virtually everywhere. Even when I have travelled to other countries. Since they control me, they know where I am going and can be prepared with cameras, microphones and fake (acting) people.