I want to be able to trust myself but I don’t know how. I want to be able to say that I won’t hurt myself and put my life at risk but my mind gets possessed at times and I either obey or sit paralysed until I obey.
It does pass if I wait long enough but it is traumatic having to listen to and experience such unpleasant thoughts and emotions.
How can I trust myself?
How can I keep myself safe?
Try taking the antipsychotic meds you were prescribed?
The psychosis nurse said today that I shouldn’t take them for a while because they are only a last resort.
That’s very interesting. I never heard of a nurse overruling a doctor before. I wonder why the doctor prescribed them?
But yeah. Follow their advice I guess.
The doctor who prescribed them to me is from a mental health service that I am no longer a part of.
I’m with a psychosis team now and they’re not sure what is wrong with me but they said once they have a better idea, I can go on meds if their psychiatrist thinks that is the best solution.
Ok, I hope they can diagnose you. It sounds like you’re getting the help you need. 
Have you told the new mental health team about these feelings?
I know you talked to one doctor about it and they didn’t hospitalize you.
Can you call your new team and request an emergency appointment?
Yes I saw the new team today but they didn’t really seem concerned at all.
I could tell them I have dead bodies in my basement (I don’t really!) and they’d just be like “so what are your plans for the rest of the day? Shall we make an appointment for the same time next week then?”
I get the feeling you want to be admitted.
Why?
Do you actually feel like you’ll be safer,
Do you need more intensive care,
Are you curious of the “nut house” experience?
What do YOU want from all of this?
You clearly don’t feel like you are being taken care of properly and that your symptoms are not being taken seriously.
Do you think that hospitalization will validate the way you feel?
Not trying to give you a hard time @Jesspresso, just trying to help you get to the bottom of this.
Also, have you considered just straight up going to A&E, telling them you feel you might hurt yourself.
That is the fast track to a 72 hour observation. (Although a last resort.)
I don’t feel safe anywhere… unless I am underwater, over-medicated or drunk out of my mind. Only in these situations the voices and thoughts leave me be. But of course, these escapisms are seen as suicide attempts so I can’t win.
I don’t think I am being taken care of properly. My parents do their best but they cannot stop the demons from reaching me.
Doctors think I don’t need to be hospitalised because I have my parents.
Also, the fact I did well in my exams despite being suicidal means I am coping well apparently.
I have been to A&E after a suicide attempt and they just sent me home with some phone numbers.
Nobody takes me seriously.
Actions speak louder than words…that is what I am beginning to see.
sorry @GoldenRex that all probably sounded really depressing.
I am trying to stay strong 
Don’t be sorry.
You are young @Jesspresso and you really need to start developing some better coping skills NOW or this illness will eat you alive.
I know its hard feeling that no one is taking you seriously, but you can’t let it get to you like this,
Ultimately you are responsible for your mental health.
Not a doctor, not a team, not pills. Just you.
I think that you do still have a lot of insight, because you did get good grades and the previously mentioned computer thing,
So you must know that you need to make some changes in order to feel better.
When I was your age, I had just gotten out of the hospital and wanted to avoid doing it again. My doctor sucked, so I decided to read books about stopping obsessive thoughts, CBT, and meditation.
It clearly wasn’t the end of my struggle, but I learned a lot of incredibly useful things, more importantly, I learned that I could help myself.
I’m not saying do it all on your own,
However, you do need to take some control back and stop leaving yourself to feel victim to circumstance.
Come on, woman! You can do it!
I think this is the book I first started with:
I’ve not read, but have heard very good things about this one:
>
Thank you!
I’m going to order some books later. I want to break out of this cycle that I’m in and to do that I need to learn better coping skills for my emotions.
Even the pdoc I saw last week said I have “emotional dysregulation” or something like that.
I think I have good insight because I used to study Psychology at college.
Anyhow, like you said, I need to start learning how to help myself. Hospital is not where I want to end up because I think the other patients would scare me.
And before anyone else jumps on this thread,
I am not saying do it all alone and don’t take medication.
Definitely see a doctor, therapist, and take medication.
But realize you are in control,
Nothing says you can’t aggravate the crap out of that mental health team until they start helping you the way they should,
Keep calling,
Once they realize you are going to be a pain in the ass until you get what you want, they’ll be much more responsive.
I hate to tell you to take the spoiled brat approach, but we’re talking about your health,
And its those guys jobs to deal with crazies all day.
In addition to those things,
Read, learn, empower yourself, start a healthy routine, say affirmations, do everything you can to stay active and appropriately distracted.