I don’t know how,and can’t see it…all the people are socializing yet I am alone in my room listening to the crowd,it’s not bad but it’s like I am escaping and avoiding…
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It takes a deliberate effort and also medications for most of us.
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sometimes I feel like I am being sociable and that in my mind feels better than actual socializing
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Hey,
yeah, Get the medications right then explore. GAwd…I’m aggressively social but it’s been a struggle all my life…I couldn’t help I was schizophrenic but I had an insatiable appetite to seek out others and to find friends!
My tips to you. Listening is half the battle…take what you learn and apply it…knowing people and remembering what they like etc is a point to engage in conversation! A friend doesn’t judge…but they do add insight! If you don’t judge ( except for real assholes but that is learning) and listen you can engage in conversation which makes for less lonely time!
You can’t do that experiencing symptoms! get the meds right and maybye join a community thing like schizophrenics whatever…just get some experience at dealing with strangers who are like you!
A friend ,
Rogueone.
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I am very passive in socializing,i feel so weak when socializing,I am just not proud of myself,I don’t know how to be proud and just engage in socializing
hey,
Being social is a skill. It’s like anything and can be learned. Shite they do university courses on communication and that is what journalism studies…you can pick up oodles of good ideas from such books etc but really it’s basic stuff!
Look at what successful people do and study it! Knowing names and what coffee they drink is a good thing!
Be open to listen!!! I can’t help say how much listening makes for good conversation! Don’t be better than someone…be equal with them…all experience is different…it’s our differences which makes us interesting. Ask things that engage your listener and what your really interested in…your interesting yourself if others asked of you … even mental illness is interesting but be guarded about that!
It’s a skill and it’s easily learned!
A friend in the struggle,
rogueone.
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My desire to socialize comes and goes
You write it very well…I don’t know how to start relearn socializing skills,it seems now I am messed up…I have no way to go and I don’t know how am I going to face people…
I have isolate 3 hrs away from people,I feel so dissapointed…
I feel I am doing okay,yet I avoid doing my responsibility to join in socializing…it’s a kind of pressure…it’s like you feel alright,yet you are not well enough to socialize and causes deep discomfort because of avoiding responsibility
I have so much trouble with this too. Like I feel like I’m so far removed from society I wonder if I’ll ever be able to fit back in.
What I do is I listen and try to come up with questions or comments for the person, or stories from my life. When all else fails, you can change the subject or just walk away.
Listening is defitnetly a key in socializing,understanding what the other person say or understanding the social situation and cue is important too…not everyone can do it though
You might think bad about yourself about not socializing as much as you would like, but maybe you need isolation at this momemt because that’s what you actually chose over socializing.
If you had enough isolation until you feel this is enough, then I think you’ll naturally reach ppl.
This might be your style, or your pace, and there’s no right or wrong, or good or bad about how much you socialize as long as you feel ok about yourself.
You need to first feel good or at least ok about yourself not socializing much.
You might think you should socialize more, but it might be due to media messages, not your own idea.
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I can be. Don’t always want to be.
10-96
I did some visualization rehearsals which helped me with social anxiety at work and asking girls to dance. I’d recommend it as a preliminary to exposure therapy.
One good trick is to feel how self-conscious you feel and remember that almost every single other person is feeling that too. They’re usually too worried about how well they are socializing to judge your attempts. For me, knowing that helped make me more calm with my approach to social situations.
Another thing, since everyone else is so self-conscious, if you accidentally do something that makes you look a little stupid, it will actually endear you to people, since they now know they are more normal than you, and thus feel less self-conscious.
The real trick is to fully accept yourself, and have confidence, because other people will feed off that positive energy. That isn’t something you can learn overnight, but building your confidence by telling yourself five good things about you every day can help.
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Socialization is a skill, just like riding a bike or tying your shoes. (Ok maybe it’s a LITTLE more complex of a skill than those!)
With enough practice and some patient, understanding people to help you out, you can get better at it in no time!
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Have you ever tried acting? That’s how I do it. I pretend I’m on stage. I’ve done this since I was little so it is a lot easier now. Think Robin Williams (minus the suicide part). I have learned to draw laughter and smiles out of people. To be more impressive.
Here are a few, what I would consider, good steps:
1)Take an acting class or try out for a community play. The part about being in the actual play is that the lights are on you and even if you stare at them you can’t see the audience because of the lights. You have your set lines that you have practiced and you deliver them in the way you have been trained to or have rehearsed. I think a lot of the reason that I do so well is because I liked to do plays when I was younger. When you get up there there is nothing to chance. Every word is expected, every interaction rehearsed. People aren’t very variable. No offence is meant in that. What I mean is not a lot of people are like us. I think that is one of the biggest things about sz. We will do things that don’t follow normal patters which causes confusion, which causes mistrust. Most people’s reactions don’t vary greatly from other’s reactions. You say congratulations when someone is pregnant, you are sorry for their loss when someone dies, if you don’t know what to do look for cues from others. Follow their lead.
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I don’t know if you are a guy or a girl but I will add this one for a girl. Makeup might help. I read that the models used to call it “war paint” and it might help if you think about it that way. Like “putting on your face”. A little ritual to tell yourself you are putting on your smile, that you are going to be “someone else” for a little while. I don’t use it any more. It didn’t work too well for me but I think it is a good idea to maybe try.
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Becoming someone else doesn’t mean pretend to love sky diving, just tweaking your natural proclivities. Laugh along, smile falsely, give an energetic “hey, how are you?” add a couple lines like how are the kids, I haven’t seen you in a while, ect. whatever is appropriate. I think that this lays the foundation for less future interaction. I don’t mean as in you never speak to them again but if you say you aren’t feeling well you get a much more sympathetic response. People will ignore a lot of oddness if they like you. People like nice people.
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Making others smile will make you feel better. It just does. Try to make a random stranger happy by saying something nice or funny on an appropriate pretext and you will be stronger going into a negative situation.
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Have an “excuse”. When people see me take my meds (I take them openly. I think that hiding them makes people suspicious) I say I have a heart condition. This helps if you have to leave early too. The heart used to be thought of as the seat of emotions. So thinking traditionally depression would be a heart problem. Something like that that can’t be pinned down. Don’t elaborate. Maybe say something like “I can never pronounce it right”. Strangers don’t get put off and if someone knows you and guesses it’s a way to keep pretense up so that you don’t have to go further into it than you want to. If you can’t go because you are just too ill or have to go home early and seem really ill that excuse helps a lot.
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Never go into it at work or somewhere else you are required to be. I feel glad for my depression because I am pretty sure my supervisor knows about that so when I say my medication is off she never expects sz. Just depression. That just happened on its own. I wouldn’t encourage lying more than you absolutely, necessarily must.
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Read “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnige. He basically says care about others and be polite. The book goes into a lot more detail though. I would highly recommend it.
A simple way to appear social is ask questions and just listen intently. People love to talk 
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I’m right where you are, but I don’t think that means that sz’s are, without exception, socially withdrawn. I’ve come across very social sz’s.
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Would love to be a socialable sz,I actually like the Maslow Hierachy of needs
First level:Need of food,air,sex,water
Second level:Need of a shelter,security and a home
Third level:Need of SOCIAL,love and friends
Fourth level:Need of Self a Esteem,Work,Recognition and Respect
Lastly:You can self actualize if you fulfill the above needs
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