How are you feeling now versus then

i feel great.Its sunny outside and i paid my overdue rent yesterday. i was homeless tues-thursday…tuesday night up until thursday afternoon.
THat period made me think…if my grandma would kick me out over money why wouldnt a friends cousin do the same?
asking for money doesnt work for people like me.
lately i have been feeling low. for many reasons. Last night i thought of how much sadness i have caused to my family. From me getting beat up to getting locked up. then at the end of the day …with no where to go.what now. Late nights in a bad city…iwas going to check into the hospital and tell them how i feel but then i would have to wait for the psychiatrist to discharge me. Its 2am when i decided…its going to be nice this week. i can try to get back in the house once i stay sober. I didnt tell anyone i was homeless while i was . you know what ab soul said…“i had to be a little crooked just to make sure iwas straight” meaning…yea karma is real but sometimes you gotta realize the world that we live in. makes me wonder what kind of dog am i really aiming at.

tuesday was stressful and i remember telling her ill have it by the evening. i ended up leaving in the evening to try to come up.
wednesday was real…another night of no sleep. i started having hallucination moments while awake… i realized on this day…people dont care because we all have our own problems to worry about.i knew doing the right thing would put me in a better place but it wouldnt really get rent paid quickly…

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i a, feeling same for past 11 years…!!