Hello, this is my first day posting and finding this site.
On 01/22/20 I started having hallucinations and my life has been completely destroyed since. It felt (and still feels) like God personally started speaking to me and giving me messages. I was an angel. The world was ending. My boss was a demon and trying to kill me. I was being spied on by the CIA, DEA and local police - they were all connected and God was using me in his end of the world plan. I actually reported him to the FBI.
I was fired, institutionalized twice (once because I walked down the street wearing nothing but a white sheet thinking I was an angel), arrested and lost my career, condo, possessions and most of my savings. And I lost certainly lost my name and reputation amongst anyone Iāve ever known. And not to mention
I didnāt accept that this could potentially be something wrong with my brain until this week. I had reached out to a crisis line on Thursday or Friday and then started reading about schizophrenia and psychosis, which I had never heard of. People were trying to label me with delusional disorder when all of this was going on but I adamantly thought it because the world was ending and they just didnāt understand the mission I was on.
Iām 41 years old. This is all is new to me. I spoke to a therapist yesterday that has experience with schizophrenia and we had a great first into call together and I feel really comfortable talking to him so far.
I just want to know whatās wrong with me and feel better. Iām in so much pain 24/7. I have constant messages coming at me all the time that I canāt really function. My phone will pause and then a simultaneous tap on the wall will take place which is God conforming a thought in my head (Iām in purgatory or hell, God hates me, Iām an ugly sinner). Itās nonstop. Itās the cars on the road. Tinted windows. When I cough. If I see a black Dodge Charger that is like the devil following me.
Itās SO AWFUL.
This new therapist I found give me a recommendation for medication which I am not resisting right now because I absolute anything to feel better I will take. Looking forward to learning more and hoping to feel better. Thanks for letting me be here.
Iāve had similar experiences of receiving messages from god. I think medication would definitely help especially antipsychotics (against the āweird thoughtsā) and antidepressants (against the low mood). The best thing to do is to reach out to a psychiatrist and see them regularly. Please be aware that this is a marathon not a sprint. It took me years before I started feeling better, but you can get there!
Just to give you a realistic expectation. There are dozens of antipsychotic medications for schizophrenia and everyone responds differently to them. One person can take Abilify and it works great, another person can take Abilify and it doesnāt work at all, a third person could take Abilify and it has all kinds of nasty side effects. Be patient, it may take time to find the right medication that works well with minimal side effects.
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia 17 years ago. Iāve tried a few different medications with varying results. It wasnāt until 2ish years ago that I found Lurasidone (Latuda) and it completely changed everything. I am stable and symptom free without side effectsā¦but donāt go running to your doctor asking about Lurasidone thinking it is a miracle cure, there are plenty of people on this website that had a bad experience with it, like I said earlier everyone reacts differently to these medications so you just have to try one at a time until you find something that works (some people are on 2 or 3 antipsychotic medications). It can be frustrating and take a while because these medication usually take weeks to months before you notice any effect, and then sometimes there are withdrawal symptoms when you quit one to transition to another.
There are also some unfortunate people that donāt respond to any medication. they are known as ātreatment resistantā, hopefully that wonāt be the case for you.
The first hospital stay ( Jan 2020 ) I was released into the care of my father, no medication, and as soon as we got home from the hospital I ran and started driving around the country living in hotels and nobody could find me outside of cryptic Facebook posts about being chased and in danger.
The 2nd involuntary 72 hour hold was July 2020. They suggested anti psychotics and I was admitted under the suspicion of delusional disorder, but I was so convincing in my delusions that I got them to release me with PTSD .
And I think @Headspark wrote you a very smart, informative post (heās a smart, informative guy!).
This illness can be brutal, and certainly life altering, but you will find people on this site fighting the exact same fight with you everyday. Hope you like it here.
Welcome Mollie, nice to meet you. Iād say it would be a good idea to get under care of pdoc and start meds. You sound like you have had a lot going on!
Welcome to the forum @MollienBax ! It sounds like you need to get on APs, but Iām not a dr so what do I know? If I were you, Iād make an appointment with a psychiatrist
!!