Princess please post all you want. I mean You are struggling and I believe you are in a good place both physically and cyberly.
My first time in the ward I was scared. The fourth time a fella got really mad cuz his breakfast wasn’t right. He started fighting with the staff and people got up from from their chairs and moved away quickly. I slowly got up and kept drinking my juice as I walked away slowly. I didn’t care. But when I think about my own reaction to the event that is truly scary.
Once I had a nurse harass me enough I had to threaten them with calling in the family from the state police, released 3 days later. Another time another patient brushed my ribs. In one of my transfers I swear they gave me LSD, full colored dots hallucinations. Last time, the meds from the intern hospital put me into a coma for 3 days… I woke up into the ER unit in the psych ward with a 24/7 nurse. if massachusetts is the best, then I had some terrible luck.
thanks for clearing that up for me @shutterbug I am just now reading this…I fully apologize to @princess I’m sorry for doubting you. but you seem so coherent it’s tricky to see that you are still ill…I hope you find out soon that your hands are your very own God given hands…I will pray for you.
Yes, one time, while I was on the psych ward, I was so paranoid that they sent me home saying that I was more paranoid in the hospital than I would be at home. And they were right.
Yes @princess, those are your own hands. I will pray for you too.
I think those doctors are psychics or something. They always knew what was going on with me somehow. Sometimes I still do…
Same lol. They said things to trigger me. Had to be “testing” me.
I always get scared, my first time I thought everyone was out to kill me . They would come in my room at night and I didn’t know why. I would put styrofoam cups under the door so I would know when someone came in. Then I would act like I was sleeping because I was to scared to confront them they always had a flashlight so I never really seen who they where. Sometimes I would sleep under my bed. In the middle of the night they would test the fire alarm and I would think it was some kind be of attack. I was scared of certain patents because I thought they were there to put a hit on me. Was always scared my food was being poisoned so I would drink boost only.
The ward in the city where I live has vending machines and they let you have your money. Every hospital can be different.
Thanks for the thought <3
I used to be scared the staff were working with the government and trying to kill me in various ways including meds and poisoned food and id run away every few days in terror of this. I also used to feel claustraphobic and had to get out sometimes. I barely AWOL anymore unless it’s to do with the hands.
Thank you @jukebox for your apology it’s okay. I’m not physcotic and you’re right about that but I have been in a the past. I think I’m still quite paranoid but that is about it.
@princess I’m pretty sure you are still reasonably unstable right now…you seem to be getting more coherent but your fixation with cutting off your hands is a very dangerous belief and I hope soon that fades away and you see the reality…my hands are my own and no one elses.
Thanks @jukebox don’t worry about me. I’m stable and sane. I just think the people around me don’t understand what’s going on and truly believe it’s illness when it’s not.
But when you accused me of not being in hospital etc it did upset me because I just felt like a fake even though I am in hospital. I forgive you though. And I know I am very coherent but that is because you are right I’m not physcotic! But please try to be careful what you say to others 
it’s spelled p s y c h o t i c. haha that had to get off my chest…if you are psychotic at least learn how to spell psychosis. you are psychotic I believe…
I know I can’t spell it! I sorry ha-ha. I even my phone doesn’t know how to spell it.
"Smartphone"
15
Smarter than the average bear?
Lol. 15151511515
Rawr
1515151515