Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender
What this means is you turn your accuser into the attacker, you present yourself as the victim. It’s a form of gaslighting. Looking back, I’ve done this when I was caught in embarrassing situations. And with zero faith that people would understand me I turned molehills into a mountains of spite. And I believed it, too.
It’s hard for me to be a transparent self because I expect people to think the worst of me.
The fact that you recognize, and want to talk about, your DARVO behavior is the first step towards stopping it.
Was DARVO used against you when you were very young? Did you experience trauma when you were young, only to be told it was your fault?
Several times when I was young my dad outsmarted me to answer on some misbehavior I did where both of yes and no were both wrong to him and he would hit my hand. My parents argued a lot and afterward I would take my mothers side to her face only to then turn around and take my dads side to his face. I still do that because I have to. They would also ask me who I would choose to live with if they had a divorce, a terrible question to present to a child. And finally, I was molested by the son of my dads drinking friend, my parents didn’t confront them and my mother said it’s a shame on our family.
Long story short, I know I can manipulate and switch sides like a traitor. And I know how to speak by telling someone what I think they want to hear. I’m likely a narcissist because I have deep shame and the most important thing is about how others perceive me. I imagine reading this is unpleasant, but it can’t be helped. So yes, with my childhood I’ve learned to twist things back on people. And the DARVO thing, I was doing that before discovering it on the internet. When I saw that article I saw myself all over it.
And then the paranoid schizophrenia makes me think someone from the past is getting revenge on me. That was a lot of typing. I did have a behavior cognitive therapist who I could admit these things to, but my parents got really angry when this doctor suggested they make appointments with him.
So they stopped paying for my appointments and now I only see my psychiatrist for prescriptions. Any growing and reasoning out arguments of the past I just try on my own for now.
Edit: Welp, my parents are downstairs screaming at each other so I’ve got to be vigilant.
I’m sincerely sorry that you’ve had to endure all of that.
My father (now deceased) was a police officer who used to beat me with his belt and nightstick on a regular basis. I was in the Navy for 3 years, became symptomatic, and was discharged. I soon found myself being groomed by a man and raped.
May I ask how old you are? If you’re an adult, maybe you can find your own place to live. If you have no income you can apply for SSI or SSDI.
Stay safe.
Thank you, HelenBack. I’m sorry you went through those awful things and I hope you can recover and come to terms. There’s a woman named Eleanor Longden who knows how to redefine the unfortunate things in her life. You can find her if you search Ted Talks. My money situation is okay because an expensive brain scan got me ssi and MediCal. I’m embarrassed to say my age, it’s really late to still be living with my parents. The ssi isn’t comparable to a working salary but I’ve managed by buying at Food 4 Less that I drive to with my new car(!) my mother bought me so that I pay for its gas instead of borrowing her car. I’m in a good situation there’s other things to worry about other than money.
I just spend a lot of time isolating, thinking about the past, and working out things I’ve had trouble with in the past. Any activity I do here because the neighborhood isn’t really good. That’s about it.
Thank you for the great conversation!
This topic was automatically closed 14 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.