Why do people rewrite history?

To lessen guilt? To protect their ego?

My ex is spewing all kinds of crap about me and saying i did things she did, such as being jealous all the time (I hardly ever was and remember her being controlling with jealousy ). Just really grinds my gears.

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Reading about DARVO tactics might help. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It is a tactic used by perpetrators of domestic violence to maintain the sympathies of others. It is an attempt to secure social acceptance and protect the ego.

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I dated a latin girl when I was younger. I always wanted to protect her. So in her eyes I was controlling. In reality I thought I was keeping her safe. I did it also because I was insecure . She cheated on me in the past. I was so in love that I begged her to stay with me and leave the man she cheated on me with. She agreed partly because I just graduated college and got a good paying job. She was looking to get out of her mom’s house because her dad was abusive. I learned a lot from that relationship. I learned to let go. I learned to live and let live. People are autonomous. Now that I’m older I let up making someone my whole world, I let them live their life and I just accompany their journey. I’m more easy going now. I learned you can’t out run maturity. You can read a hundred books and it pales in comparison to 10 years of life experience. The problem is maturing is such a slow process. I matured a lot since I dated that latina girl. Growing pains in a relationship are the worst. Me and that latina woman weren’t meant to be. At the time, when she left me I was lost. I went out partying at clubs all night obsessed with enjoying myself and trying to find another girlfriend for sex. I experimented with a bunch of ideas. Eventually I found peace in my life. Now I’m middle aged and I see relationships differently from when I was ,20 years old. I’m kinda happy looking back that we didn’t work out because I met some outstanding women and met new people life was becoming a blast. Everything in life is temporary. Someone can leave you in 10 days or 10 years. Sooner or later we all part. Once I realized that books, tv, social media and all other distractions were just a waste of time I began to put more attention on the ladies I was dating I was immersed in them. I was totally committed. It was me and that person everything else wasn’t part of the plan. This mode of travelling through life came to me after watching a million hours of tv, reading thousands of books, spending hours on social media. I asked myself can I apply any of this stuff to my life. The answer was no. My attention changed from being all about me to all about my partner. It wasn’t smothering it was more intentional with my interest peaked on them. I was totally committed. I learned to overlook the small stuff. I would rather be happy and at peace than be right all of the time.

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Hope you’re doing okay @Froge :heart:

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It’s easy to justify poor behavior for some. Harder to maintain good. It’s a problem for some recognising that but I think for someone like me I always see the good side of people.

Like you cheat on me. Maybe I’ll take you back. You treat me poorly. I’ll take you back because I’m with you and you accepted me etc etc…Some people just don’t change their behavior and that is a problem for me that I fail to see way too often!

It’s hard. If it was easy we’d all live the life with great relationships and honestly at 50 plus I even see a lot of dysfunctional stuff just in my friends relationships.

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My dad is like this

I call it hypocrisy

I think he does this to show how independent and self sufficient he is. Like I could not make it in life with my ways. Like his ways are the only way in life for me and my relationship with humanity. Like I will suffer because I am not like him. Like I will suffer with my relationship with myself and humanity if I don’t agree with his judgment of me and my ways.

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Some people try to re-write history because they find it offensive.

In history it were usually the victorious who could write the history books.

They get away with it

I have had many times in my life but mainly at school when people deliberately used to make things up about me that led to conflict

Was a really shitty thing to do

Not sure whether it’s because I am no longer forced to socialise that it’s less of a problem

But I have a very high trust threshold and constantly suspicious about people apart from the handful of close people

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I don’t know why we’re gonna begin to talk about history. Learning from the past by talking prevails, learning from the physical way of alerting it, which keeps it from going on and on and on and on. So I would say in this case. It is the suit some type of need.

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