When I was prodromal, about a week or two before my first psychotic break. I had some experiences where I felt mocked. I met a producer in LA about a “reality” show (this really happened) who made a flippant comment about sending people “subliminal” messages. I thought nothing of it at the time. Then, a woman who looked f*ucking IDENTICAL to Susan Sarandan sat in front of me at a bodybuilding show. She kept looking back at me over and over with this “OMG, is it really her!?” look on her face. I was like WTF? I told the woman I was with she looked exactly like Susan Sarandan and she agreed with me. Her acting like I was a celebrity when I am not was extremely bizarre.Then I gave a homeless woman a ride in my car and she made sexual gestures with her fingers (putting the finger in and out of the hole) and told me I have had a lot of unprotected sex (which was true) but how did SHE know? It really freaked me out. I could go on, there’s more. All of this happened in real life nd it was weird at the time
…but later when I had my first psychotic break and suddenly realized I am in a brain study and being watched, I looked back at all those comments and realized I was being made fun of that whole time! They were mocking me because I was being controlled and monitored and had no idea. They all thought it was funny. It is very hurtful and ■■■■■■■ irritating. I’d like to spit on all those Mother Fuckers for being A*ssholes. You don’t pick on someone who has no idea their brain is being controlled and that they are being watched. It’s evil. I know I am crazy and I know this probably doesn’t make sense to you but those things really happened and, in my mind, it is related. It hurts my feelings so badly.
When I went psychotic at work, I was ranting about WWIII and religious stuff to anyone I passed. The security guards were laughing at me. Unfortunately for them, I re-entered the building to get my jacket that I had left and they got fired for not doing their jobs.
In school it was likely pretty obvious I was mentally ill, but it was very rare that anyone made fun of me to my face because I was taller than most of my classmates. People feared that I would be a school shooter or do something violent so left me alone I believe.
I keep the odd thoughts to myself most of the time so I mostly just get confused and uncomfortable looks for my spaced out demeanor. That still hurts feeling looked down on. But the comments I do get sometimes about how “kooky” I am definitely don’t feel good. My dad does most of the insulting.
rarely my tongue is sharp as dalmascus…sp… steel… and its very rarely someone who is actually smart enough to go back and forth for much longer than their initial mockery… easy to crush the average normie when fueled with an insane thought process… now the smarter ones end up liking me by the time were done going back and forth and all slights are forgiven and then it becomes a game to play next time we meet…
this only applies to mockery and making fun of…now soul crushing exchanges I don’t do well… mostly family…mostly my dad… I do not win these… but I don’t go for the throat with him like I did when I was younger… he remembers when I stood up for my self and dropped him…he remembers me with my foot on his throat standing over him telling him no more… no more beatings because he had a bad day… so he keeps it pretty civil now mostly…still get some soul crushers in… rantastic…
Thank God my family doesn’t make fun of me. My kids, especially my son, tease me in a very lighthearted way meant to make me laugh not to hurt me. It IS rather hilarious that I think I am the star of the world. There is a big difference between laughing WITH someone and laughing AT them. My Dad doesn’t make fun of me but he has barked at me a few times for being MI. He gets irritated. Thank God he hasn’t done that lately. One time when I was about 10, I was crying and my Dad laughed at me. It broke my little heart. That’s a horrible thing to do to a little kid. When I quit speaking to him at about 25, that was one of the reasons why. I wrote him a letter saying I would like to go back and spit in his fat, laughing face. I meant it too. That’s a really shitty thing to do to a defenseless child. You would think he would hold me and kiss me or tell me it’s going to be OK but instead he laughs. Fat ■■■■■■■. Ya, it still gets to me.
Just want to throw this out there. I’m forgiving when mocked or made fun of but for people who say they are sorry after doing so then ten minutes later are right back to doing the same thing again really insult my level of intelligence or my sub par memory. It’s the repeat offenders that irk me.
I agree. “I am sorry” should be taken very seriously by the person taking accountability and apologizing. It should mean “I won’t do it again” but people are very emotionally immature and the words “I love you” and “I am sorry” get tossed around without meaning.
