That statement is based on my own experience. The hate was always on my mind. It consumed me inside and out. I wanted to do anything to destroy this person. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about the person I hated. I blame the hate I felt on why I went psychotic.
It taught me a valuable lesson. That when you hate you’re only hurting yourself.
I don’t want anybody to experienc the hate I felt. If anybody hates me I advice them to just let it go. I even extend an apology to anyone who hates me. I hope that apology does enough to heal anyone who hates me.
That is so very true about letting anger consume you.
When i first got diagnosed, i was treated utterly horrible and still have alot of anger due to this. I am still trying to overcome it, it is frustrating.
If you want my advise I would just let it go and move on from here. It is good to apologize but you also can’t expect people to forgive and forget. I feel like you are pushing people’s buttons by even making this statement. No one here hates you.
I was the same way for many years. I hated my parents so much I really wanted to kill them. But, since I’m not a murderer, I turned the hate and rage inward and instead felt like killing myself. That’s why I was so darn suicidal for so many years. It was really murderous, hate filled rage against my parents. The day my father apologized to me for all the abuse is the day I began to heal.
It doesn’t work like that @Tyme. You don’t get to dictate who lets your behavior go or when. Hate is a strong word, and though I don’t imagine anyone dislikes you to that extreme, some people here will dislike you because of your past behavior, whether you have changed or not. It’s not fair for you to tell people that they should forgive you. It’s not under your control. I suggest focusing on your future behavior rather than trying to defend your behavior past.
I can’t believe some of you have hated yourselves. I’ve never experienced that. It must be horrible to hate yourself. I’m glad it sounds like most of you are doing better now.
I can’t tell you how many of my closest friends have done me wrong. Mostly when we were teenagers, and almost always over a guy. I wanted to hate them for that becaused they did some F’d UP things against me! But then I realized, they were the ones that were suffering and allowing jealously to take them over. From my perspective, their reason for hating me or being jealous to the extend of doing something hateful against me was ridiculous. Growing up in a really small town with less than 10 girls within 5 years apart and less than 10 boys around the same, I can’t help if a guy they liked, liked me. It’s not like I dated any of them. Most of my friends slept with every guy in town. I didn’t sleep with any of them as I’d much rather be “wanted” than “had”. The guys respected me because I was unattainable and not about drama, so I did have a certain status the other girls didn’t. But the lesson I learned from it all is that it helped me let go of hate early, as I learned to identify and look in from another’s perspective. Even if I felt their hate of me was unwarranted since I personally did nothing wrong, I could still see their pain. I may still hate initially after someone has done me wrong, but now I can easily talk myself down from it and am over it within a week.
I have often had “shy person hate.” I secretly whisper mean criticism of people but I never say it out loud. It’s like firing a gun from a fox hole. I am trying to stop doing this.
I sometimes think this is related to paranoia. How can you be sociable with people who you secretly hate?
