Happy Australia Day Long Weekend

One for the Australia Day weekend… .Aussie Aussie Aussie!

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Basic Guide To Aussie Life

  1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.

  2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

  3. Whether it’s the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery , there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

  4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he’s probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

  5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

  6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.

  7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.

  8. All our best heroes are losers.

  9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

  10. It’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.

  11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.

  12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as “a total ■■■■■■■”. By contrast, your worst enemy is “a bit of a ■■■■■■■”.

  13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word “mate” can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or “mateship”. Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.

  14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.

  15. If it can’t be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it’s not worth fixing.

  16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.

  17. It’s considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.

  18. The phrase “we’ve got a great lifestyle” means everyone in the family drinks too much.

  19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host’s beer. (Don’t worry, he’ll have catered for it).

  20. If there’s any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you’d be a mug not to go.

  21. The phrase “a simple picnic” is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don’t need to make three trips back to the car, you’re not trying.

  22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don’t sit. That’s what backyards are for.

  23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.

  24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be solved by leaving the food behind.

You know you’re Australian if …

  1. You know the meaning of the word “girt”.

  2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

  3. You think it’s normal to have a leader called Kevin.

  4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

  5. You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

  6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son’s pencil case when he first attends school.

  7. When you hear that an American “roots for his team” you wonder how often and with whom.

  8. You understand that the phrase “a group of women wearing black thongs” refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

  9. You pronounce Melbourne as “Mel-bin”.

  10. You pronounce Penrith as “Pen-riff”.

  11. You believe the “l” in the word “Australia” is optional.

  12. You can translate “Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.”

  13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

  14. You call your best friend “a total ■■■■■■■” but someone you really, truly despise is just “a bit of a ■■■■■■■”.

  15. You think “Woolloomooloo” is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

  16. You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

  17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.

  18. You understand that “Wagga Wagga” can be abbreviated to “Wagga” but “Woy Woy” can’t be called “Woy”.

  19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.

  20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

  21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.

  22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

  23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

  24. You still don’t get why the “Labor” in “Australian Labor Party” is not spelt with a “u”.

  25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

  26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

  27. You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.

  28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

  29. You understand that “excuse me” can sound rude, while “scuse me” is always polite.

  30. You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

  31. You understand that “you” has a plural and that it’s “youse”.

  32. You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

  33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

  34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call “Anzac cookies”.

  35. You still think of Kylie as “that girl off Neighbours”.

  36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you’re trying to sneak in fruit.

  37. You believe the phrase “smart casual” refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

  38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

  39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

  40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

  41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.

  42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says “cobber”.

  43. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Happy Australia Day.


Aussie Aussie Aussie

Oi Oi Oi…:smiley:

Happy Australia day mate…What’s up for the long weekend !!!

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Actually you won’t believe this I always used to wonder how people manage to go to beach and enjoy with these things on them. I mean if someone doesn’t have a car then how he/she manages to place these things …Like I don’t know how to drive and I love to be in the sea water but I don’t do that because I cannot gather the courage to leave my stuff behind me. Now I know the secret :stuck_out_tongue:

Think I’ll be sleeping most of it. I feel like I’m fighting a virus and just extremely tired. Slept like 18hrs Not sure though I think I have an open invitation to a BBQ/pool party on Monday.

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Lolzzz…Did you write all of them from your observations? There are very funny in a nice way…

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No copy and pasted from elsewhere. …My favs are… You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden


You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

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a nice list you’ve made, dreamscape. I enjoyed reading them and wished someone had told me about these funny things Aussies have when I lived in this country.


I still remember how I spent the day and the night on Australian Day at Darlin Harbor in Sydney two years ago. Really fabulous firework and brilliant loud music at the harbor. And the excited crowd!!! What a warm memory of holiday!

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I only know of one day you aussies celebrate more…its ST PAtricks Day of course…grin.

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I hear Australia DAy is just the warm up for St Patricks Day in 2 months!!!

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Happy Australia Day by the way. We celebrate Australia Day too here in Dublin, Ireland.

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