Hopefully, this post isn’t too politically sensitive for everyone, but I have a recurring theme in my mind of feeling guilty for being on social security income. I worked only a little before qualifying for a bit of SSI (I had trouble staying reasonably stable at work even as a young man.). So I don’t feel like I have a right to it. I’ve since then been considered disabled for one reason or another, not the least of which is the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia.
But I don’t like it. It makes me feel guilty and judged and worthless. I want to contribute to society and have the freedom to form whatever opinions I want, but often social security and other social programs are politicized, and so I’m forced toward one side over the other politically. So that’s another reason I’m frustrated with the situation.
I want to work in some way that allows me to retain some stability of mind. But you know, it’s hard out there. People throw ■■■■ at everybody, not just people who are a little different, and part of being an adult is knowing how to take that garbage. It’s a shame I’m less able to because I have layers of paranoia working me over and above what everyone says and does.
Sometimes I question my diagnosis and if it’s as serious as it has been and as serious as it would have to be for me to be out of the workforce. I basically suffer from feeling immoral all the time for being on social programs.
Anyway, this has turned into a stream of consciousness and probably annoyed a bunch of people but this is something that bothers me. Not enough to actually retain work, mind you, but enough to make me feel guilty for existing.
I feel the same way. I didn’t earn anything before going on SSI though. I’m lucky in that the Meds silence the voices for me and I don’t gain weight on them anymore. I think at my next evaluation they will probably kick me off SSI because I’m doing a lot better now. But yeah I feel guilt about being on SSI. I think I’ll only be on it for a couple more years so that makes me feel a little bit better and I’ve talked to my psychologist about it and he said I shouldn’t worry about it because it’s there for people that are disabled. I don’t tell anyone that I’m on SSI I just say my dad gives me money even though since I’ve been on SSI I mostly just give the excess money to my dad since he pays for everything. I tell myself that since I only use the money for food and gas and some clothes sometimes that I’m not abusing it. I don’t use any drugs or cigarettes or anything so I tell myself that it’s ok although sometimes I buy video games. I try to not eat out very often either. I tell myself all these things but I still deep down feel guilty. But I desperately need the Meds cuz otherwise everything I’ve done will be wasted and undone. I’m taking vraylar which is super expensive so if the health insurance dries up I’m screwed. So far being on SSI I haven’t had to tell anyone cuz I’m still young enough that going to college and living with my parents doesn’t make me a complete pariah yet. Part of my motivation to study is just knowing that if I’m older and still on SSI then it might come out and I’ll be ostrasized for it.
All of you on SSI, listen up. That program exists because it is FAR cheaper to give you basic income to survive and receive routine medical care than it is to pay for emergency room visits for uninsured and homeless people. It is far cheaper than rounding you all up and sticking you in hospitals and prisons. It’s not a hand-out. It’s a necessary component of a functioning society. If someone is too disabled to work, and there is no social program to help them, then they can either rely on their family to care for them, or end up homeless. Homelessness was a huge, horrible problem in the US before social programs were put in place. It is still a huge problem, but it’s more manageable now. Because of social programs providing stability, not only are you cheaper to care for overall, but many folks end up recovering enough to return to work! It makes or society much more functional.
All of this is besides the point that it’s morally awful to leave people to suffer and starve simply because they got sick. Everyone deserves to survive, and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what’s necessary to survive.
And don’t feel guilty for occasionally treating yourself, either. Occasional treats help mental health, and stave off depression.
It is a matter of changing your perspective. Hand outs sounds like a disparaging term for what a society should give out to everyone anyway. People and governments should care about its peers and citizens. Everyone deserves it.
The world can easily afford it as it could also feed the world many times over, but it doesn’t.
You deserve to live and if you cannot work for whatever reason then a society owes you a life just for being born. The notion of working for a living will soon be out moded by automation and then we can all live on state handouts anyway and it will be common.(that is if the elites don’t starve the whole of society first.)
The idea of working for a living in an unsatisfactory job is just, if not more depressing an existence anyway. Being programmed throughout school and parents to get a job has become ingrained in many a soul. It’s a trap anyway. Most jobs are pretty pointless and merely serve the need of keeping the masses occupied. Most jobs are barely necessary in reality, and the world will continue to spin without this artificial construct of working anyway.
Find a hobby, take a walk, try and socialise. Meditate even. It’s better than being an indebted slave to a master or boss. Benefits to me are a blessing. I don’t want a low paid, subservant job to a senior making another person rich. It’s all a lie and a scam.
I am not going to feel guilty if I am lucky enough to get it. I dont think you should feel guilty either.
But lets get real here. There are people in our society with so much money they wont be able to spend it all before they die even though they live every single day in the lifestyle of king.
The only reason we have to feel guilty is we dont feel we suffer enough with those who are in our own tax bracket.
I am of the opinion that suffering is not particularly always a noble purpose. The suffering of the poor is in fact meaningless to most of society. It benifits no one.
They only suffer because no one cares. Isnt a homeless person one who has been banished from society except he does not have to leave the city. He is not allowed to participate in normal life.
If the suffering of the poor is meaningless, then why should I give value to the suffering of those right above the poor? and why should I not think that excess money that can not be spent to bring comfort to, even to the rich, is not meaningless and purposeless.
In short, yeah. I think the richer should pay taxes or offer more opportunity because it is the rich that was made that way by us, the poor.
O if anyone should be made to feel guilty about their existance, I am just so curious, why not the rich?!?
ps The next time you buy something completely unneccessary for your survival, smile. Smile cause a single penny of it might have other wise been the income of some ultra rich guy. It would sit amd rot with no purpose.
“I do not particularly like the word ‘work.’ Human beings are the only animals who have to work, and I think that is the most ridiculous thing in the world. Other animals make their livings by living, but people work like crazy, thinking that they have to in order to stay alive. The bigger the job, the greater the challenge, the more wonderful they think it is. It would be good to give up that way of thinking and live an easy, comfortable life with plenty of free time. I think that the way animals live in the tropics, stepping outside in the morning and evening to see if there is something to eat, and taking a long nap in the afternoon, must be a wonderful life. For human beings, a life of such simplicity would be possible if one worked to produce directly his daily necessities. In such a life, work is not work as people generally think of it, but simply doing what needs to be done.”
― Masanobu Fukuoka, The One-Straw Revolution
