I’m trying to be grateful for all that I have. And not compare myself to others who may have done more or excelled better in my circumstances. Every day is a new battlefield. If I don’t get everything on my to do list done by the end of the day, I feel like a failure. And so, I feel like a failure every day. But I love life too much to just off myself. I love so much art and so many people. But everyday is like a slap in the face, with endless self flagellation about what I did or did not get accomplished. I’m reading a book that says this productivity mindset is a strictly American disorder. I just look at the wreckage of the last few years of my life and wonder, why did it have to be this way, and why me? Why can’t I contribute the way I very much want to? What’s holding me back? Is it my expectations, or is it my performance? Or both? Every day I end up sobbing or wallowing in self pity. Every day I think, tomorrow will be perfect. I just can’t deal with these crushing feelings anymore. Why should I be constantly tormented by the question, “what’s wrong with me?” I feel like far less than what I’m expecting should be enough. Even though I’ve had every advantage, I feel fundamentally as though life is unfair.
I think I understand your feelings. I spent a few years in bed due to symptoms of psychosis and crippling depression and I beat myself up for not being able to get out of bed and do anything. In the end I did what I could when I could and eventually found my way out of my situation. I’m glad I’m not tormenting myself anymore and making it even worse. Cut yourself a break. Beating yourself up isn’t going to change the end result only make the journey that more miserable.
maybe reduce your expectations, considering your circumnstances that is ok. i think us ppl get overwhelmed easily, so we need to keep that in mind when setting goals.
no one is in your circumnstances cos you are unique person. so it is not really relevant to compare but yea i struggle with this sometimes too
Since I was diagnosed 10 years ago I have been staying in bed all day everyday, only get up to eat. In bed I either sleep or on this forum. At least in your situation it seems like depression because you’re trying which is treatable with antidepressants. My case is not treatable my psychiatrist said, he said there is no treatment yet for my severe negative symptoms. I am 30 and already taking meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. I gained 170lb. I have fatty liver disease too.
@anon67051439 I know your story. if you ever want an accountability partner contact me. I don’t do much either.
Did you try antidepressants?
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