Got disowned, - ranting

DX'd - Other
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So I didn’t have a good relatonship with my mom ever, she was abusive, neglectful and very violent while I was a kid and violence continued up to my early twenties. But recently she learnt that she might have a tumor. Now, it might be malign, but all the data she collected so far kind of proves it’s not, and she refuses get the only investigation that would clear that out or simply doesn’t let us know if she got it for fear that her infailible status of cancer-struck person doesn’t fade out. I know that might sound pettish, but knowing her, the possibility exists.

Long story short since the husband she conned into supporting her by having a baby very late in her 40s with him (again, sounds pettish, but the woman confessed that was her main purpose in having said baby) refuses to support her anymore now that his child is an adult and filed for adivorce as well, she decided to disown me. Not my two brothers, no, she made sure both of them had their names on a property she owns. Just me, probably because I was the ony one making her responsible for her own deeds, actions and decisions. She sold every other property, incuding one that I refused to let her sell before and buy something under my name, as her husband had suggested, the property that she explicitly told me throughout my life that was to be mine. Now she is spending the money she made from the sales by bringing her living to the usual high standars her former husband used her to have. When the money will dry up, most probably she will, one way or another, try to force the three of us kids to support her distasteful need for luxury and easy living some more.

Now, I know this sounds horrible, but take into account this woman has:

  • had a baby to force a man into supporting her
  • refused multiple offers for jobs over time or downright left sudenly the key role she was offered and accepted , causing the business great loss by doing so
  • never worked more than 3 years in all of her life, even though she claims and is deemed to be absolutely sane and able to work
  • beat me up constantly and repeatedly during highschool to force me into going into computer programming, even though I preferred foreign languages, which obviously made me refrain from studying computer programming more than I needed to pass the class, as her main argument was: “I invested in you, so you have to do this so that you can support me when I am older!” - which , by the way , she didn’t, there was nothing to invest since she was downright stealing from her estranged husband the little money she spent on my school, he was the one who bought the food for us, and she never to my knowledge even tried to spend money on clothes, I always wore worn-out and ugly charity clothes, even as a young highschool girl, therefore a lot of bullying happened.
  • decided to feed me haloperidol and zyprexa without me having seen any doctor at all when I was 19, then when my moods and stuff got out of control got me to a doctor and hospitalised me forcifully, even though I never did anything violent or aggressive or even dangerous to myself or others
  • did the same turn to me Every Single Vacation I had from school, doped me and then hospitalised me when things got out of control , even though I was taking my meds religiously, making me lose my trust in medication and doctors, also have a real fear of hospitals that aggravated my illness. She used to be able to bribe doctors to that end. As soon as I was consulted in a town where doctors couldn’t be bribed and she wasn’t there to dope me, I started to improve.
  • list can go on, but I think it’s boring enough as it is.

Funniest thing is, she now wants to come to my and my family’s address in another country, after she disowned me and I told her she is, honestly, not welcome. I wonder how that meeting will go, it’s not the first time she pulled this type of thing on me either, when I was in France she came after me and made my older brother break into my email accounts to force me to see her. I ended up inhospital with my first psychotic atack ever soon after that.

So, yeah. Rant over.

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hi zupa, sorry about your mum, i couldnt read it all but i wish you all the best x

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I’m so sorry she is doing this to you. And feel free to rant.

To be honest the question I would ask is how toxic would a family member need to get before you cut her out of you life. And has your mom crossed that barrier? But even more importantly is where is that line where her instability makes you, yourself, significantly more unstable?

Some would say that when it comes to a parent, that line should not exist. I like the idea of never giving up on people. People can change and maybe everyone deserves an infinity of chances. But a couple years after my dx I cut my dad out of my life because he is too self centered to not be destructive.

I am not suggesting anything. Except that you look inside yourself and decide where those lines are.

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which country are they baiting you to?

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I tried to cut her off when I was in France, but she came after me. Now she called my mother-in-law (whom she hates, and who righteously hates her as well) to tell her she is coming here as well, after I blocked her number and cut ties with her oldest son as well (he raped me for years when we were kids, and she did nothing about it, even after I told her, but accuse me of having seduced him. At 6 years old!!!)

Anyway. I am having nightmares about it, and was down low for two days and nights, dunno why it hit me, as I haven’t talked to her for two months now. I just think that, since everything goes fine in my life currently, she will be back and trying to benefit from it, even by victimising me again, if financially she can’t. That’s what she always did, and she doesn’t seem to care I have a family now, otherwise she wouldn’t have called her sworn enemy to tell her she will come here and all…

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I understand that there were and are horrible parents in human societies. You can seek help from a lawyer or the police. Wish you good luck.

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What does your pdoc or therapist say about your attempts to cut her off?

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have her arrested.

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My pdoc is in maternal leave and same pdoc refused to put me on a list for psychotherapy for two years now, so I have no therapist. So I am on my own with this.

I have a social worker seeing me every week or so, and he says “good for you, keep it up”, I guess. But he’s not trained to give advice, so doesn’t really count.

Meh. I’ll probably be over it soon.

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