Today my bf parents came over.
I was polite and managed to answer questions and make them a coffee.
Then I withdrew to another room with out ex causing myself while they were talking to someone else.
I don’t think his friends n family like me except possibly one or two friends.
I don’t feel quiet right being with people n not these people either.
I’ve also wondered if they are some form of nazis or extremists.
I used to love all people but now I don’t like people or even if I do I don’t like being around them.
It’s a minority I can say g’day too n have chat too n even more minority I can enjoy having a chat too.
I enjoy chat with woman I agist of but can’t chat to her family .
I love being with my bf but doesn’t feel right being around his friends n family.
Only one of his friends do I feel spiritually comfortable with.
I think they are jealous of me .
Join the club.rock n roll dance etc
They really might hate me n what if I’m surrounded by my enemies but then again I’ve always been hated…
At least I make them a coffee.
Something is something.
I should not be around people who disrespect me n these people disrespect me and seem to have some form of extremism views that don’t suit me.
I feel a bit alone.
It was such a huge move for me n I miss my horse.
I’m in a new state.
Drove for days to get here n it’s dry land n so different.
I don’t know if I can keep this up.
His friends come around every day almost and his late every week and I usually make them coffee and then withdraw elsewhere.
I’m used to living alone n being alone but I love living with my bf n love my bf but there’s other factors that are difficult.
I almost had psychosis few times n been hyped up n worried .
Frequent Bush fires here n beaches had erosion and its so different n I miss seeing some of the people where I used to live even if I just said hi n nothing else they were friendly.
I don’t want to go to hospital again.
The drive was so full on for me without sir con n I can’t do it by myself I think.
When they pressure me n hate n judge on me it might do damage n trigger me.
I’ve been doing well though in other ways.
I clean for me n my bf every week, cook ,care for us etc
But I do t want to go out there n be around people n I don’t think I like most people.
Strange!
I long for someone.
Maybe it’s my best friend I had.
Some one understand and know me and I also long for my horse.
I might bring her here but have to save money for her float and find agistment for her.
Minority people I feel ok or good around and with.
Others it’s torment.
And doing care work was not doable in my person who tense twitch n overwhelmed n mute n horrid it was baaa baaaa
Do you think you appear rude when/if you withdraw?
Being polite is pretty important to me cause I was raised that way but it is as it is and st least they got a coffee.
His x zzz were I think super popular n talkative n productive with their bodies n ya da yada .
But I am as am n I told him that from the start before we even met.
I have changed things like I wash out sink after each use till it’s dry which I never used to do but I do it cause he likes it that way.
I used to be in bed 7 pm n get up 8am .
