Schizophrenia.com

Getting nostalgic... 9 days and counting... pondering

It seems like life for me lately is gearing up for an event and then getting over it. I know it’s not like this all year. This summer is SO different then any other summer I’ve been alive. It feels slower.

I’m working on making it slower. I am fighting off a hyper spike. I’ve been leaning on meditation and mindfulness much harder then last year. I’ve been asking for help more. I’ve been paying attention to my warning signs.

Even last summer I wasn’t as stable or feeling as in control of myself as I do this summer. It feels odd that things that would for sure send me to hospital last year aren’t completely knocking me off track this summer.

But I’ve been getting emotional and nostalgic this last few days. My kid sis won’t be a kid in 9 days. This feeling like something important is just slipping through my grasp like sand… is starting to get to me. It was made worse by the fact that I found a box in my parents house… Riley’s first teddy bear, her little baby shoes, all her baby teeth. I’m not handling her turning 18 as well as I thought I would.

She wants me to take her to get her first tattoo to hide her burn scars… she got them when she was 3 and we we’re in a house fire. I remember when she was born. So tiny… now there is a 5’10" stubborn redhead standing before me wanting to scope out tattoo parlors. How in the world did that happen?

I’m working on not lamenting the time I missed with her due to this illness, hospitalizations, homelessness, drug use. I’m working on looking forward to the years to come… It gets easier right?

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Not easier or harder but different. The young woman she is becoming will make you just as proud.

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Yes it’s just another phase of life you’re entering. Y’all will always be bff’s though. Nothing will change that:)

Speaking of tattoos, do you have any? I recall when son got the infinity symbol tattooed on his forearm, he was around 17-18. I sorta freaked out a bit at the time, but got over it pretty quickly. Tattoos seem to be more the norm now than the exception as they were when I was coming up. The only tattoos one would see at that time were on male military veterans.

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I do have tattoos for the same reason… to hide my burn scars, and other scars. My other brothers all have tattoos. In fact, even my Mom and Dad have a few tattoos. They were young and wild once.

So our parents know that she has been wanting to cover up her burn scars for years. She’s been drawing out this tattoo very carefully for ages. They won’t be shocked.

It’s just after seeing the little baby shoes… I got all… emotional. The baby teeth… I remember when I thought that someone was poisoning her and that was why her teeth were falling out at age 5 and 6. I made her stop using toothpaste because I was sure it was tampered with. I am surprised she made it this far.

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It will be a different kind of relationship, think of it that way, you will always be her older brother and you will always have a close bond! It’s an age, some days she will be the young woman she is now and other days she will be the little child. She won’t change, sure, she’ll be a grown up and that’s hard, but she’ll still be your kidsis sidekick; that will never change!

Well done on the control you’re showing, this will be hard, it’s a new era, just think that this is the chance to enjoy each other as two adults, I think you’re half way there anyway, this is a number, she won’t miraculously change in a day, it will be gradual but I think you’ll find she won’t change half as much as you are expecting.

It will take time to accept this and well done for acknowledging it’s hard for you right now, do you have a therapist you could talk this through with and help the acceptance process? Time’s a healer, it will also be daunting for her; she has to accept she’s an adult, so do this journey together? Talk, keep talking; if you bottle it up, it will only be more painful!

I’m rooting for you (as you often say to me, I thought I’ll say the same to you :blush:),
Take care, and walk steady, you’re dong so well already even though this is painful, just be open, keep doing the mindfulness, that will help!
Meg.

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Imagine your child turning 21 and now 22. Not only is she not “MY BABY” as she once was…in the physical sense…emotionally she still in my baby. The GREAT thing now though is that we are more like peers. We are friends despite all the literature saying you should never be your child’s friend. My daughter went through a LOT of crap…but one thing did not change: She was always honest with me…sometimes after the fact…But I always knew when she was in trouble. And when things turn tough, she runs to mommy.
While some people might say she needs to learn to deal on her own–she is getting there. She has diagnoses of her own to deal with. She has always been slow to progress emotionally. I have always given her that time.

Sorry this is NOT about me…it’s about you. Just wanted to say that now she will look up to you in a new way and you can be friends forever.

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I get nostalgic for different reasons - like realising my mother is going to turn 70 this year and my eldest niece 20. I wonder how time could have flied so fast. If my niece gets married in a few years, I will be a great aunt - and me in my thirties!

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" the greatest gifts to give a child are roots and wings "
take care

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So true… Just last night I said to my 20 year old son: Come on little boy. He just looked at me and said little? Yes you will always be my little boy :smile:

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Thank you for the reply… it’s true, my sis has been an adult for a very long time. Paying bills, taking care of the apartment, planning the meals, having a job, a car, a lot of responsibility that kids her age doesn’t even come close to… Taking care of me. I know that nothing is going to change over night. I just don’t know why this is scaring me so much.

I am going to talk this one through with a therapist. I don’t know if I’m feeling left behind… Or because to a tomcat of a guy… she’s legal… or just one step closer to drinking age when real problems can start… I do want to calm down about this.

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I am thinking that perhaps maybe not a whole lot will really change? Try and look at it that way… some of your concerns may be needless worries…

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