Schizophrenia.com

Getting closer to throwing in the towel

Ive been rapidly degrading over the last week…tonight i took my meatloaf out of the oven and next thing i know im about a mile away. Luckily it was my friends house…i lost 2 hours and he said he found me screaming nooo and were lost again…as i circled his chestnut tree in his backyard… The times ive noticed losing time have been between 20 mins and 8 hours…im at my wits end…i cant keep doing this…

I’m sorry you are going through this. I wish I could give advice but even I don’t know. I do know that I am really glad you are here. Your comment about roommates the other day cheered me up a ton. The Potato Father wants you to stay and so do I.

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I am sorry if I’m not remembering properly, but did you say earlier that you were going med free? If so, that would certainly mess with your ability to control symptoms. Apologies if I’m mistaken – I’m still recovering from the hospitalization and am not exactly top shelf yet.

Have you been in touch with your treatment team to let them know what is happening?

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I wonder if it’s stress and pressure that is causing your troubles. I know that stress overload for me causes me to forget stuff and implode. I’m trying to do everything and work on solving all my problems and it gets to be too much. Something has to give, and it usually results in me breaking a little and losing a little part of myself when I don’t have a lot to spare in the first place.

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Please talk to your doctor about this, this can’t keep happening!

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No still taking meds thanks for the love… Ive never felt like such a burden before…ive never completely lost my ability to fight my sz back…no matter what crap ive had to deal with in life ive never had my hope feel so fragile…their running out of sz meds for me to try and im getting worse daily…aparently im either too mentally ill or my meds have me too strung out and my partner doesnt feel safe with me watching our baby…i dont know if i should be hurt or pissed…

Let the people responsible for treating you know what’s going on. Take it easy. Maybe you need a stay in the hospital to get stabilized on your med’s.

Im probably going to hospital within next few days…if they arnt calling them now…i dont think its stress related but wont rule it out…i appreciate you all…i guess i should have went that first time…my days have turned into lost time and self loathing…i cant suffer enough apparently and somehow deserve every painful second of it…i probably wont be on here for a little while love you all

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You don’t deserve the pain. It’s good if you’re going to the hospital, it’s a safe environment where you’ll be taken care of, to relieve your pain.

Good luck and keep us posted!

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my partner doesnt feel safe with me watching our baby.

Look.

That might be a wise thing. Don’t take it personally. Missing time is a scary thing. Get yourself to hospital, make sure you explain everything to them. It’s their job to make you better.

Sounds like DID or some other Issue

Made it another day…i feel tired i dont think i had any issues today…but the night is still young…

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I don’t know if you’re into fiction, but I remember a character from Tolstoï’s Anna Karenina whom round and round a tree constantly. I also remember having done such a thing a couple of years afterward in my backyard (causing no real issue, makes me laugh at myself a bit because of the thoughts that it awaken from me reading Tolstoï some years before). I also remember reading that book with a really bugging and close voice in my ear. Its about 500 pages, and they are multiple edition - try to find one where Tolstoï’s love metaphysics is discussed - everyone should be entitled to love the person he/she wishes to love.
Best, you take care of yourself.

@flameoftherhine / Hope you won’t mind, thought about you while looking through some old stuffs: another writer, Jean Racine was said to round and round a fountain, looking for his rimes, while saying out loud the verses he would later write. He wrote about ten plays, then was excommunicated (in Roi-Soleil’s France (said to be one of the three classical era, with Périclès (Athens), Augutus (Roma) and him, Louis XIV (Paris)), was re-established by the church and wrote two more plays intended for young catholic girls.
In French classical theater, there’s a funny concept call « Palais à volonté, » which basically translate « Palace at will, » whereas one can get out of her room and found oneself in the middle of the imaginary palace where everyone wants to listen (as if everyone would turn into Her Majesty’s subjects) to « the soul’s dilemma » that would go otherwise kind of unnoticed to the public. Here’s a more general definition, which is kind of weak, in my opinion : " agree that French classical tragedy was written to be performed within the formal, unspecific, unvarying decor that goes by the name of the palais à volonté…" (source: http://homes.chass.utoronto.ca/~trott/courses/fre1800/fre1800herz.htm )

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I lose time when I’m psychotic too but I’ve been stable for a few months now with no psychosis and no lost time. I started taking Latuda in addition to my Geodon and it has made a difference honestly but I have a few side effects now that I don’t like. I may try to taper off of the Latuda after I’ve been stable a little longer.

It’ll get better.trust me trust yourself.

Sorry you’re going through such a hard time. Keep in touch.