I’ve been taking my medicine and am feeling better today, but there are still several things that different groups of beings (voices/thoughts that aren’t mine) want from me.
One group (I call them Hoppers) wants me to kill myself. They hop from situation to situation and use it as a reason that I should commit suicide.
Another group wants me to stop taking my medicine. They say it’s destroying my mind, and that it’s making me a slave to the system.
Another group doesn’t want me to trust anyone. They want me to believe that everyone hates me and that people want me dead, or even want to kill me. They say that people hate me and it makes me feel like everyone’s talking bad about me behind my back, that people are laughing at me, following me, thinking of or trying to kill me, or even just trying to rile me up.
All of the beings want to escape my mind so that they can physically interact with me, and all of them want my attention. They sometimes say random things just to mess with me. No one was talking about the mission today. They (the beings) just seemed pleased to remind me that I’m always being watched, be it by the system, the government, or other people. Some of the beings think that there’s a government assasin after me due to my distrust of the system, and I feel like that’s ridiculous, but possible. Why would anyone waste resources on one non-influential person who doesn’t trust them? It doesn’t make sense. So why am I afraid? The medicine makes it so I’m not physically anxious, but I’m still mentally worried. I don’t know what to do from here.
You describe what it’s like to be mentally ill very well. Maybe you should write a book. What you write is just the inexplicable anxiety so many of us face daily.
Thanks! I’m more of a math person, but I’m a pretty decent writer as well. I’m kinda lost to be honest. I guess I just hoped that if the beings weren’t real then they’d go away when I took my meds. They’re still there, albeit less often, and I’m kinda wondering if that means I was right all along about them being real. I mean, I keep going between telling myself they’re not real and believing that they’re real.
Someone said paranoia has its roots in reality. In other words, the threat was real at one time. So, same with the beings. Maybe they are out of your past.
@LED You’re right I know. I want to rush things all of the time but I shouldn’t.
@PinCushion I don’t know. They said they spent all of this time getting me to see them as separate from myself. I don’t think they’re real people. They say they’re from one of the seeds that God made to make his story (our reality) more interesting. They seem more like spirits, since they’re entangled with my thoughts. People can’t do that.
Yes, so you are wondering if they are real spirits. That’s just the same as hearing voices to me. Because I tend to think they are real and am reluctant to be firmly against that idea and to surmise that they are my own fantasy.
@SkinnyMe I am in touch with a psychiatrist and a therapist. I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow and I trust her. I don’t want to go to the hospital but I’ll understand if she think I should. The ones who want me to kill myself have gotten louder.
I think you need to continue medication treatment. Two days is not long enough, sometimes it can be a few months before the meds have full effect. Do your best to stay on meds and keep in touch with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns.
If you feel like harming yourself or are having too many suicidal thoughts, please get help right away. You can call 911 and explain it to the dispatcher, or you can go to any emergency room or even an urgent care center . Some so-called suicidal crisis lines are just weird religious lines where the people you talk to are not qualified to intervene properly and will just try to talk to you about their religious beliefs. So maybe you can just get help at an ER or urgent care. But if it’s an emergency that requires immediate attention, just call 911.
@eighteyedspy23 I think it’s okay because it’s not me who wants me to kill myself it’s the beings, which I guess is kind of moot since our thoughts are entangled. So I guess, technically I’m having suicidal thoughts, they’re just not my thoughts ya know? Anyways, they (they being some of them, not all of them) also say the meds are destroying my mind. I don’t know what to make of this. I’m seeing my therapist today so I guess I’ll ask her about it.
I’m more of a math person, but I’m a pretty decent writer as well. I’m kinda lost to be honest. I guess I just hoped that if the beings weren’t real then they’d go away when I took my meds. They’re still there, albeit less often, and I’m kinda wondering if that means I was right all along about them being real. I mean, I keep going between telling myself they’re not real and believing that they’re real.