Schizophrenia.com

Friend who went MIA suddenly reappears

So last year, I made friends with this guy named Ryan. And over the course of a few months, we became very good friends.

We would text almost every other day and then meet up on the weekends for coffee or lunch. We even took a short road trip together to Austin.

Well, last month, we were texting and then suddenly, his texts stopped. I didn’t think much of it; just guessing that he was busy with work. So I waited a few days and then texted him. No response. So I waited a few more days and gave him a call, to see if he was ok. No response. A week went buy, and I still hadn’t heard from him.

At this point, I’m guessing that either something bad happened, or that he no longer wants to be my friend.

A month goes by without hearing from him, and suddenly, he texts me yesterday. I was glad to hear from him and asked why he had cut contact with me. He said he had just gotten back from a month long trip to Europe. And acted like nothing happened.

This bothered me. Personally, if I was the type of friend who had been in regular contact, I would’ve told my friend what was going on, and that I was planning on leaving the country for a while.

I’m still not sure how I feel about picking up our friendship where we left off. I’m a bit leary, and honestly a bit hurt.

I mean, who DOES that?! Certainly none of my other friends.

I’m hoping I can find a new perspective on this that will help me move forward. Either with or without his friendship.

Any advice is welcome!

Blessings,

Anthony

I’m not really sure what advice to give but maybe it was a spur of the moment decision that he left and didn’t say? I say talk it out. Maybe there is a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he did what he did.

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Yes Anthony, I would speak to him and tell him how you feel, find out the details and get more information from him.
Maybe he wasnt feeling good and didnt or couldnt talk about it? I would gather enough information about his excuse for not keeping in touch and then make a decision based on the facts - good luck!

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Maybe you’re not on the same page in your relationship. Maybe you feel you are closer to him than he feels he is closer to you. People are fickle and irrational. Maybe he’s on the fence on how well he likes you.

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I understand your feelings. Before I went on a European vacation I’d tell everyone. In our office one lady kept quiet about her trip to Disney world. I thought it was just going to be a normal vacation. It’s not exactly the same thing, but other people do it too. I’d at least tell a friend I was going somewhere. I didn’t really mention my last vacation, but that was because it was just a weekend trip to Arkansas.

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It is important to try to be open and compassionate to people. On the other hand, if someone is too poisonous to your well being you have to protect yourself from them.

Is it possible the Europe trip is a fabrication? Maybe something happened and he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it. I say you have to compare it to his other behavior. Is this in line with the person you think he is? If it isn’t I would suggest giving him another chance. If he does it again, then make it an issue.

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I say too, talk to him about it. Maybe he wasn’t feeling too good. I have a friend with down periods when she doesn’t have the energy to visit or talk on the phone. It will last a couple of weeks and then she bounces back up again. She can now tell me she can’t talk to me knowing she won’t hurt my feelings. We have been friends for many years.

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Yeah, Talk it out. Maybe he forgot to tell you in the rush of planning to leave.

Could he have gone to Europe for work? There are lines of work where you can’t tell people where you are.

Thanks for your responses, friends.

I think it’s a good idea to talk about this more in person. I’m obviously hurt but I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt and hear him out.

I’ve arranged an in person meeting for this weekend, so we can talk and go from there.

I will proceed with caution, however.

Thanks for giving me some perspective on this issue. You guys are the best :slight_smile:

Blessings,

Anthony

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Maybe he just didn’t want word getting around that he would be out of his house for a while. Some premises are unfortunately burglarized when word gets around that the owners will be out of the house for a long time. Also, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t trust you. Secrets are hard to keep. Trusting you, and trusting that a text message to you won’t be intercepted or read by someone else are two different things.
Benjamin Franklin supposedly said: “Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

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Hi Anthony~
Go with your instincts-I think you are right on

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You might mention this and say you were concerned when he suddenly stopped communicating. I agree - bad form on his part to be communicating then suddenly stop without telling you.

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I think you’ve got a good game plan there. I hope it’s just a one time odd thing that happened. I’m glad your open to talking to him as well.

Good luck and I’m rooting for you.

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