I was 10 and remember having a really bad fever that day, my foster mother put me to bed and I woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling of absolute dread, I thought the room was caving in on me, I also heard something evil growl near my bed. It took all my strength to run down the stairs (my room was in the Attic room) and wake my foster mum. I will never forget it. Thankfully panic attacks are very rare now, when I have one I can rational myself out of one.
I had never thought i would experience a panic attack, but since detoxing off of a benzodiazepine i have had several. They make my hands tingle and i feel shaky and weak, like I’m about to implode from fear. There’s a feeling of impending doom. It feels like it’ll never end, but after about 10 minutes they seem to ease up a bit. I will NEVER again scoff at people who say they have panic attacks now that i understand what they feel like.
Yes she was a lovely foster mother. When she finally kicked me out aged 11 she told me I will regret moving from hers. I now know I make a mistake getting kicked out of there. I moved somewhere way worse.
I started getting panic attacks when I was 15 in high school. I’d sit in class so tense that I knew I had broken something inside me. Anxiety has remained with me ever sense, but I’ve learned that I can reduce some of the fear just by making a conscious effort not to worry about scary things.