So I had my first major panic attack the other night. I haven’t had a full blown panic attack since I was 17 and even then it wasn’t as bad as this was. I was being attacked by the demons, they were trying to pressure me to have sex with them and just being really verbally abusive and terrible and threatening.
All of a sudden I was just gone. I could not see or hear or think. I was terrified. I thought i was having a stroke or something. Then i came back and was sobbing because it was so scary and the demons threatened to send me away again if i didn’t give into them but i still refused and it happened again. I gradually became more aware of my body and that i was writhing and screaming but I seemed to have no control over it, I was truly trapped in my head and could not see though now i was aware that it was because i could not open my eyes. I pleaded for it to end in my head. I became aware my fiance was trying to calm me but again i could not control my body at first. Eventually i was able to open my eyes and that actually helped to stop the episode and then my fiance comforted me. My entire body was exhausted i guess from how tensed my muscles had been. I couldn’t stay in that room so both of us ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room that night. I wasn’t able to talk about what happened with him until hours later.
It was horrible and i hope it never happens again, but i am sure glad my fiance was there.
summary: I had my first really bad panic attack caused by my symptoms the other night and it was terrible but luckily i had my loving supportive fiance to help me out of it. I hope it never happens again it was so so scary.