Does anyone ever get this feeling? When things are weird I can tell something’s up; paranoia comes on and I start pacing, etc. but when things feel “normal” I question whether there’s even anything wrong, it feels like I’ve been watching myself in a movie, I question the experiences I’ve had until I ask my wife and she confirms it.
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I get that sometimes, it’s like we don’t really deserve to feel normal sometimes. I’ve learned to enjoy those moments.
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what get me… I question the moments when things are going right.
I’ve had a good day… nothing happened… I’m feeling pretty good… so then because I’m feeling pretty good I think… Oh - - - -… I must be going hypomanic.
I can’t even enjoy a good day without thinking something is about to go wrong.
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I don’t trust anything like that because I had symptoms since I was toddler and thought something was wrong until I actually had my first full psychotic break around my early 20s and lost self awareness to the point I didn’t even know why I was doing anything I did even if someone told me. My evaluation abilities have always been kinda crap though since the beginning of this year they got a lot better where I can notice small changes in people’s behavior. Since I was 25 though I’ve been in the hospital 3 times and I’m 29 now. Could be a lot worse though I guess since I know my Medicare or whatever covers 20 stays per year though I also should probably be in there now but I really don’t want to go through that all again.
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My thought patterns are very similar. It’s like what Minnii said, we get to the point where we almost feel like we don’t deserve to feel “ok” and become super-sensitive to everything around us, almost guaranteeing something is going to happen.
So here I am a day after posting this and I feel so damned fragmented it’s not even funny. The Seroquel is helping - haven’t heard any voices and have only had some brief paranoia puncturing through - but I can’t shake the feeling that there are different people hiding in my head, I can almost feel them just sitting there, monitoring every action, every word. It feels like they’re crowding my head and pushing me out. Damnit I hate this.
I usually can go a couple days feeling fine or like i found the cure for this then i go into a couple days of dread and despair again. This disease is brutal. I feel like i created it by making the wrong decisions in life. I keep trying to make better ones.
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I had this. It passed with time, be patient.
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Same here. Seems to be part and parcel of the vicious cycle of circling/recurring thoughts & obsession with past regrets/actions. Does therapy help with this?
Thanks for the reply Minnii. Feeling pretty good this morning, slept soundly.
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Glad to hear that!
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Hopefully i am going in 2 weeks from now to start therapy. i have been in the past for anxiety but i was never completely honest with my therapist. So the results were not the best. Now that i have gone totally crazy i am going to be 100% honest and hope for the best
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