I’ve been practising feeling my heart lately as I opposed to thinking… Maybe that’s given the controllers a chance to jump in… also I took an extra pill tonight because I had a quarter of a teaspoon of instant coffee (which is enough to stop me sleeping all night, unless I have an extra pill)
Anyway, I was just lying in bed, waiting to fall asleep and I felt something move my toes. It gave me a fright, but I didn’t think much of it. Then a few hours later, I was still lying in bed waiting to fall to sleep and my hands were resting on my chest suddenly, I felt my hands slide from the top of my chest downwards towards my stomach.
This scared the hell out of me! And I thought ‘i CAN control myself’ as an affirmation. Then I got the faintest sense that deep inside me there was someone else in my body and I could feel them laughing at me. It was really ominous.
The other time this happened, I was doing a process of letting all my thoughts pass by like clouds and I hadn’t taken my meds, people were harrasing me and I was hallucinating hardout, I was also working as a dishwasher. I felt a moment of rage. Then Decided consciously to let it go, next thing I knew my body was moving without my input, to attack my coworker. I managed to stop it, just before it pushed her.
I don’t a therapist, my doctor probably would recommend one, but I’m moving to a different island in 3 weeks. I get the feeling if I go back to intellectualism as opposed to feeling my heart, that things will be normal again. But lately I’ve been feeling love for the first time in years
What you describe is called “passivity” phenomenon - sometimes it can be a relieve to know there is a term for it. You are not alone, i have passivity phenomenon in a milder degree where i feel my thinking is taken over by an alien force.
Hope you find a way to get rid of it, it is pretty scary
Aw, thanks for letting me know… I will talk to my doctor about it. So sorry you are going through something similar. It’s pretty new to me, except I’ve had the voices use my voice box before. I just remembered, they made a sound with my voice today too… I was wondering if it had something to do with the combo of coffee and an extra pill
It’s just the illness messing with you. It only has the power you give it, so don’t. Ignore the weird thoughts and feelings and get on with your day. I do this and nothing bad has happened as a result, ever. We’re talking about over three decades of this now.
Yea no it doesnt only have the power you give it for some of us, for some of us it does more than yours does. OP im sorry that your suffering, this stuff just sucks sometimes
No its more than that, its a spectrum illness of things doctors dont understand your invalidating his experience by acting like you have some great understanding of his illness because you do have an understanding of yours. My illness has made me grab a knife and cut myself bad. This thing for some people can do more than a voice.
All the psychiatrists and therapists I have discussed this with over the past three decades are 100% in agreement. You may want to argue with them as well.
My doctors are humble enough to say we know the least about schizophrenia than any other mental illness and have actually apologized to me on behalf of psychology for how little they know. Have some humility, you dont have schizophrenia, nor do your doctors that claim to, figured out for others you are just lucky right now, thats it.
And on a side note i have no idea if your in contact with aliens or not, im just fine with being lost in unknown, most people need something to hold onto, trust me id like to have something to hold onto but theres nothing there. Probably not right. I dont believe mine either i emotionally cant if i wanted to, its too surreal.
I was lucky to be in AA with people who pushed me toward recovery when everyone else around me told me to take it easy. That’s how I learned I could ignore the voices and the delusions with complete safety.