Schizophrenia.com

Feeling rough as a skunk

Woke up real bad today. There is a black bmw outside my house. It has blacked out windows. Is freaking me out. Just went out and looked closely for hidden cameras.

If I keep this up I will get arrested. Felt so bad I had a real cigarette (not the e-cig as usual). Jimbob is suffering. Mum invited me for dinner but I can’t leave the flat if the blacked out windows are still there.

Ps when I was out checking the windows a guy I know walked past and said I was looking rough.

Nobody is spying on you Jim… Rest assured it’s all okay, your mind is playing tricks on you.

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Thanks @Minnii was hoping someone would reply. But the feeling of being surveilled if SO strong. I mean my brain won’t give me any breaks. A council car passed by me on the street a few days ago and this feeling has been bubbling up since then.

My community nurse is on holiday so have no one to talk to. The crisis line only opens at 6:30pm.

Can’t talk about it to my folks as they get really stressed - is not fair on them.

Currently have all my curtains closed and music on to drown out the bad thoughts.

It’s not good to blow things like the black bmw out of proportion. It probably isn’t concerned with you.

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I assure you you’re not that interesting… When I thought I was under survaillance I thought I was special… We’re just not… We’re just ill people in our homes freaking out at nothing, if you can laugh about it it will go away on its own. You’ve been so stable in these last months, I think you’ll do alright.

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If I were the governor, by law any car shouldn’t have blacked out windows tinting.

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Hey @crimby the ideas I get when I see parked cars are my main problem. I moved to a small village to get away from too many strange cars. So this is an ongoing problem.

I have fixed ideas about this stuff - real strong as concrete ideas which the meds or therapies don’t touch.

I know how this is going to play out:

  • I will obsess about the car
  • I will come up with crazy ideas to explain the cars presence
  • I will punish myself with anxiety until I eventually burn out in 3 or 4 days time

So folks please don’t get upset if I post on here a bit too much over the next couple of days. It is the only support I have got.

Love James

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Hey @Minnii & @Plumber thanks for the replies - means a lot. Have got the Beatles playing so at least that part of my life is sorted.

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That’s exactly what I used to be like. Hope you’re able to get through it ok. I’ve checked out cars in the past too. I got lucky with abilify in a way, as it puts the paranoia into the background.

I wish I could help, especially as I know exactly what you’re going through.

Have you tried any med add-ons like benzos or supplements?

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Funny you should say that. I spoke to my gp and she has given me a supply of clonazepam to see me through the weekend. Took one 2 hours ago and it has certainly helped.

Thanks for the support.

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Don’t worry about that. We’re here to listen.

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Out of all the cars that you have been paranoid about, how many have you actually been right about? What I’m trying to say, has any car done you any harm or have any of your suspicions been correct? Has anyone ever gotten out of these cars and done you any harm? I would bet a thousand dollars that the answer is no,

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You are right of course but let me try to explain the problem I have.

I see the unusual car and it instantly triggers thoughts of surveillance and monitoring. These thoughts are sudden and stubborn. My nerves start ringing like bells.

After about an hour the thoughts s become fixed to anxiety - real real bad anxiety. Here comes the rub -

my uncooperative brain then starts to ‘punish’ me. I start coming up with ideas to explain why the car has me under surveillance I quickly come up with expansive bizarre explanations (suppose these are delusions of reference). I think these brain processes are common with this condition.

What is slightly unusual about me is how I responder myself for around 2 weeks until I finally burn to these ideas. I obsess about these fears - extrapolating these delusions to the worst possible situation (usually I will become homeless or in prison). My brain plays tricks with me and says ‘IF YOU DONT WORRY ABOUT THESE FUNNY THOUGHTS CONSTANTLY AND DEVESTATINGLY THESE BAD THINGS WILL ALL COME TRUE!’

This basically means I torture myself for weeks until I burn out. I really can’t stop my brain doing this. What’s more the fact that nothing bad happens with the cars (like you say) seems to convince my uncooperative brain that it was the fact I worried/punished myself that stopped anything bad from happening and not the possibility that the car had absolutely nothing to do with me.

These maladaptions keep getting reinforced with every episode to the point where there are fixed like concrete. I have tried all the meds with a slight improvement. Therapy doesn’t begin to touch this.

I am concerned I will just have to live with this as it has become an inescapable process.