Hey all. I’ll preface this by saying I’m not suicidal or otherwise in danger of harming myself. It’s more like I just want to give up on improving my life.
I’m taking online classes and am getting more and more behind in them. I don’t have a computer of my own at the moment (money issues) so I’m having to use others’ laptops to complete assignments but I’m not always guaranteed access to those laptops when I need it. There’s also the factor of my general apathy to consider; my classes aren’t that difficult and logically I know getting good grades in them will set me up for a better future than I could have hoped for before I decided to give school another try… but apathy persists nonetheless. It’s been an obstacle for me my whole life, and I suspect the constant degradation of my entire being from those around me starting from my childhood has played a starring role in its formation. I’m not giving up on my classes just yet, but it’s getting harder to care about them by the day.
I suspect I might have entered a depressive spell within the past month or so. I’m in therapy and taking my meds as prescribed. It’s not possible for me to see someone about a med change at the moment because my insurance policy is inactive and I’m having issues getting it renewed. I’m paying for therapy straight from my own bank account. I’m really trying to take in my therapist’s suggestions but I can’t shake the feeling that nothing will get through to my brain to prompt real change.
Thanks for reading. I will say I feel a bit better having vented here because I know you guys can truly empathize.
Times are hard now. Online classes are not as easy if you don’t have access to your own computer. So, take some time off and enjoy yourself. In the meantime, why don’t you save money by working for a laptop. Therapy is great too. Why don’t you have health insurance? I don’t know what country you are living? But if you are in the USA where I am from, I would think about going on medicare for the indigent. I would inquire about it at your local social welfare office. This way you can receive healthcare and probably therapy as well. I assume since you are on this site that you have schizophrenia. If you do, then by all means please try to get medicare some how. If you’re not from the USA, you should ask your social welfare office about getting help for your situation. You don’t have to suffer unnecessarily. Please take care and try to survive some how.
I think it would be a good idea to start putting money away for a laptop.
I’m supposed to be on medicaid but there was an issue when I tried to renew it last year that I’m still working with medicaid employees to try to figure out. I submitted an application online (my failed attempt at renewal was through the mail), like I was instructed to, but it’s been a few months since then and nothing. Hmm. I could devote the rest of this week to really getting to the bottom of this issue.
I’m gonna get a bit of financial help so I can schedule an appointment with someone specializing in psych needs to see if perhaps I need a med adjustment.
I had a chat with my boyfriend earlier about my feelings regarding school and he helped convince me to keep trying my best, at least for the remainder of the semester, and I can see how I feel afterwards about possibly continuing my studies.
After our chat, I was able to submit an assignment without much trouble, thankfully, and I will be doing more schoolwork as the night progresses as I’ll have access to a family member’s laptop until late morning.
Does your college have any services for the disabled? Some colleges have an office or program that helps disabled people succeed in college. Some colleges even pay for some registration fees for the disabled and give them priority to register for classes before other students to make sure they get first shot at the classes they need.
The community colleges I went to had a disabled students program, They had special services like giving a disabled student more time for taking tests. They have counselors who help you with your goals in college and figure out what classes you need. They offer tutoring services.
Before COVID hit they had computers at school you could use at your convenience. IDK, you may want to look into that. They are discreet and keep their students anonymity.
I don’t know the extent of all the services they offer but you might want to call your college and inquire about a disabled student services.
That’s a great idea, thank you! I thought online classes would be easier for me to handle than in-person ones but I’m still struggling so some kind of disability aid would be wonderful.
The biggest problem I had with taking online classes is that being online always tempted me to surf the web like YouTube or this place.
And before I knew it; I had wasted valuable time. I would spend a couple hours surfing. The thing was that when I sat down to do the actual work, I did really good and got good scores in most classes on assignments. But I didn’t budget my time good. I still got some A’s and B’s.
I hope it all works out. I hope Medicaid comes through for you too. It gets you a lot of access to treatment. Try to save up over time for a laptop. It’s important to have one if you’re doing online classes. Without one you may not succeed even though you really can. Best of luck to you
