Schizophrenia.com

Feeling disappointed

Once I was taken to a shaman who said I will not get better if I don’t eat soybean paste and quails for 6 days. The quail tasted horrible and I wanted to puke everyday. I tried to not eat the bones but the bones always came in my mouth and poked my skin. I had to do this for 6 days. After 6 days, my physical symptoms were only getting worse and worse.

I did it because I didn’t want to disappoint my family. They wanted me to be cured so much. They thought they couldn’t be happy if I wasn’t cured. So I kept it all bottled up with the thought that I didn’t deserve to be who I am. My family desperately wants me to be cured but I am not getting better. I feel like I’m a huge disappointment. How much should I try to prove that I’m ok just the way I am?

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Well I won’t lie - you probably won’t like what I’m going to say. Just remember you can feel free to disagree with me if you wish. I’m not a professional and it won’t offend me.

I think you ought to seriously consider moving forward from your unsupportive family. It sounds like they have very unhealthy mindset to what your (and our) illness actually is. It sounds like they aren’t educated in the science of what it is they are unaware of how it affects, and I think they are also blatantly unfair to you at times which is probably why you sometimes have low self esteem.

You have a life long condition, and while you can learn to manage it better, it won’t just go away. You need to find people that make you feel happy to be you, not people who make you feel upset for being yourself.
You also need to listen to people that follow science and not shamans etc. If this condition was as easy as following a simple diet, we wouldn’t all be popping pills twice a day.

My Dad isn’t supportive of me, but I get by because my Mum does support me. If I didn’t have one parent to support me I would feel very badly about myself and I’m sure I would have issues with self esteem all the time. Even so, it is very stressful at times living at his house because he doesn’t understand me and isn’t good at communicating. And so I am looking at moving away so I don’t have to deal with his intolerances.

I think you should try and forge your own path, and try and put some distance between you and your unsupportive family. It doesn’t mean you can’t see them or talk to them, but more space would help you feel more empowered because you wouldn’t feel invalidated by your mother and her criticisms.

A healthy family is one that talks openly, shares each others issues, and accepts each other for who they are the best they can. Many families aren’t like this all the time, but when its none of the time, it can cause stress, which causes our illness to get worse, which can lead to anxiety and depression etc.

Hope this is helpful. If you ever want to chat Laetita you can defo PM me

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Hey laetitia, sorry if you aren’t feeling good again, I wish you feel better with yourself although I can agree that with sz and all the diseases you have it isn’t easy, myself included.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts as well and I’m suffering a lot to grasp all the things I need for college.

I’m answering because I wish you get better and hope you don’t suffer so much and found a video on youtube that made me think about you a lot, it’s from a youtube channel that I already posted here on the forum that sometimes helps me learn more about myself. It’s only 5 minutes if you are interested.

By the way I hope you are getting better with the harp and I wish someday to listen your songs as well.
Be safe and just do your best, it’s enough

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I’m not sure what your country does for disabled people, but if you can get cheaper housing due to disability then I would start looking into that. Your family is only hindering your progress. I’m sorry, but they’re not helping you at all. They just make you feel worse. You’re not a loser and you’re not worthless. You need to get a new support system. Can the people who treat your sz help you with some of that? I would ask them and find out.

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How you feeling about this today laetitia?

I feel a bit better about it. I’ll get back to you after I write my final exam!

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