Hello,
I’ve been feeling paranoid since Mr Turtle said he wants to stall on our plan to elope.
What if he is a set up and this relationship is fake. And he is just playing a part in accordance with some greater plan set by the government who are trying to access the crystals in my brain? And he is pulling away because he is already married to someone else?
He is my best friend. I don’t want to lose him.
Thanks for reading.
This part is your delusions. The other I have no answer for…
Have you talked with him and asked him why he wants to wait?
I hate my own paranoia in my marriage. I’m sorry, @anon84763962 that you’re feeling this way. I agree with @mjgh06, that talking about it is the best solution.
Leaving out your paranoia (because he’s really most likely a regular guy with not even the most benign alterior motives) you should explain how his wanting to wait makes you feel. Ask if he has fears in regards to marriage and what a solution would be for both of you.
Best if luck! Don’t let fear take hold. Trust. 
️
Well it has been a big year and half I’ve put him through with my most recent, and worst, psychosis. Then following that my addiction to codeine. And he says he just wants to catch his breath, so to speak.
Thanks @Hedgehog you’re always a soft place to land. Thank you.
You’re a sweetheart! I like that he was honest and needs to catch his breath. Isn’t the whole idea of eloping that it’s spontaneous though? Maybe let it go and let it happen naturally just a bit down the road. Being together is what counts.
With all my needs, sometimes I forget that my husband has needs too. It’s ok 
It takes a strong person to handle us being sz add to that addiction and paranoia. Well it is just plain hard to have a lasting relationship unfortunately. Hopefully, it is only what he says. He needs time to regroup and ‘catch his breath’.
Give him some time and space. Are you living together through his ‘catching his breath’?
I am sure that things will work out between the both of you.
You can tell him how you are feeling, this may help ease your fears.
Being paranoid is just an awful feeling, but I am sure that it wont last.
Hang in there @anon84763962
Thanks @Wave. I’ll just leave well enough alone I think. I’ve sort of left the ball in his court so he feels like he has more control over it. I’m just growing this seed of doubt and paranoia and it’s very distracting.
Yes, we’ve been together for nine years, lived together for eight of those.
Fight the paranoia and doubt!
I can’t do that in every day life, but it is a must for your SO and family. Otherwise I would be committed for sure. I am always thinking my SO or family are out to get me, against me, lying to me - you have to fight that more than anything else.
That is the worst part of trying to have a meaningful relationship for both parties, when one of you has sz. You have to fight against it, and they have to be willing to understand all the fighting you are doing to keep it together.
Thanks @mjgh06. I’m finding the fight a bit hard at the moment. Usually he fights with me, but I feel alone in this one.
He’s not @anon84763962
He wouldn’t give your friend (me) a book recommendation if he didn’t care about YOU.
To me that’s a sign he really cares about you, I wasn’t there, but I just get the feeling he’s a little worried about you. But he doesn’t seem like the guy to leave you in the dust…just hesitant about eloping. This is a delusion…which is the first I’ve heard from you. Government caring about us civilians crystals=delusion. I hope you worry less soon.
Thank you JJ. I hope you don’t mind me calling you JJ.
Not at all 
Hey turtle, we’ve talked about this, sounds like you’re on a slippery slope. Maybe a call to your pdoc is in order, you shouldn’t be getting this many delusions still, honey.
Let him have his time to consider it, remember what we talked about, he loves you and it probably breaks his heart to see you struggle with sz and codeine.
Get yourself well for yourself and for him, and for both of you.
A big hug
@anon84763962 you can pm me any time btw I don’t mind especially from you
Thanks JJ and @Minnii. It’s nice to know I have friends here. Thank you for the hug. I love hugs!
If you don’t mind. Receive a big hug from me.
From what I read Jon saying @turningthepage sounds like you got a good one there @anon84763962 .
Definitely give your pdoc an update on your symptoms and how you are getting more paranoid of late. Hopefully he can get your meds fixed right.
Thanks @moonlee