Feel fraudulent because I met my pal in a pub

DX'd - Other
1

Years ago I applied for benefits. There was a raft of questions one of which was regarding how easy it is for you to socialise. I put I find socialising hard. After filling out this questionnaire I got the social security and haven’t thought much about it since.

Anyway 8 years later it is now. I have only one friend - a 74 year old retired pensioner. He goes to the pub directly opposite my house. I meet him there some afternoons and drink lemonade.

I find it hard to enjoy myself because since I put on the benefits form I find it hard to socialise I strongly believe I am being fraudulent setting foot in the pub.

I only go to the pub because it is literally the only public place in my tiny village. We have no shop, cafe or community centre - literally only a pub.

I go in the minute it opens at midday because 99% of the time me and my friend are garunteed to be the only people there. I can’t handle it when its busy. Say going in on a lively Saturday night is an impossibility.

I enjoy spending time with my friend. He is the only real friend I have.

But I get so worried I am going to be reported to the government for being seen in a pub. People assume, I believe, that I am in getting drunk and wasting tax payers money when in reality I buy the cheapest soft drink on the menu and stretch it out for an hour.

This worry that the benefits people have me under surveillance is SO strong in me. Take today for example - there was an old guy parked across the street and I was certain he had hidden cameras in his licence plate. When I came out this thought was so strong I pretended to drop my hat so I could bend down to examine the car closely.

This isn’t healthy.

So why don’t I just stop going in the pub you ask!?

Well my psychiatrist leans on me to go out. He said if I didn’t make efforts to leave the house he would stop my community support workers because the resources would be more deserved elsewhere. He thinks I am not trying to improve my situation and he said patients that don’t engage with treatment lose their social security.

So I am a hopeless situation.

On one hand if I don’t comply with my doctors orders they will stop my social security. On the other if I do what my doctor says I will be fraudulent and go to jail.

In complete honesty it seems my only two choices are homelessness or jail.

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I have had this problem for years now. I can’t describe it any better than as above.

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I completely understand where your coming from. I admit a large portion of my benefits go down the local bar - and ive been seen as a scrounger in the past by people that dont know me, spending money on booze when im not working. But im a bit like you - there is nothing to do round here either and its my ONLY social life going down the pub. I wouldnt see anyone for days at a time otherwise.

I wouldn’t worry about it - your not even drinking alcohol. And your being social, which is always good for ones personal mental health. What you do with your Social Security is your business and no one else’s. I would try to stop “over analyzing” it if you can. Your just having a lemonade with a mate - no one should judge you for that.

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I told these worries to my psychologist but she said since they aren’t bizarre and are based in truth she couldn’t help me. I don’t know what to do.

5

My social worker actually actively encourages me to goto the pub, just says drink less haha. Ive been called a lazy fcker in the past by people in the bar and i should get a job - but they dont have the day to day mind trauma of Sz do they? I would actually suggest you have a pint next time your there - it might relax you a bit more and stop worrying so much!

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6

If you go to the pub with an old friend it doesn’t mean that you find it easy to socialize…
So I think your pdoc is right and you shouldn’t worry about it.

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Plus I can’t believe that your psychologist said that these worries are based in truth…

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No word of a lie or an exaggeration she said that.

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9

This is the key right here. The other side of this coin is the logic and philosophy.

If you have both of these, your mental health or “awareness of your mind’s relevance at all times” is better for it, but it has to be a regular routine. Try being a fan of a sport. Fans are all that too.

I call it “mental hygiene,” and all of the best minds know mental hygiene better than anyone else. They are very logical and aware of their minds which boosts their confidence and social success, so they are a hit at the bar or with people in general.

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I don’t go to a pub, but every time I go out, I feel like someone might be observing me just to take my disability away. Sometimes I carry in groceries, but I have a bad back. I worry people might notice that and refute my claim to disability on those grounds. When I have a good week where I don’t have hallucinations, and I tell my pdoc about it, I wonder if it will affect my disability because that was another part of why I was declared disabled. Then, when I take Botox injections for my migraines, they decrease in frequency from 18-25 a month down to 12-15. Is that enough for them to stop my disability?

Sometimes, I am scared to tell my doctors that things are working because I’m worried that if I tell them that some things are getting better, I could lose my disability. I know that I cannot work right now, so I cannot afford to lose my disability. For a long while, I felt pressured into taking pain pills because when I filled out disability forms, they always wanted to know what doctors I was seeing and what treatment I was getting. I didn’t know there were options other than pain pills, so I just kept taking the pills even though they didn’t do anything (and I was abusing them to put myself to sleep). I was scared to stop them because I didn’t want Social Security to think that I wasn’t on meds because I didn’t need them. Thank goodness I found Lidoderm patches for my back and got off the pain pills.

But I digress… I know where you are coming from. You probably feel like doing anything that might indicate that you are all but bed bound makes it look like you aren’t really disabled. I don’t know how disability actually looks at it, but I think that you (and me, and anyone else on disability) should still be able to live life without fear of losing your monthly checks. You know your limits and should be able to live freely within those limits.

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11

It’s not fraudulent to go to a pub.
If they’ve decided you get money, then you’re not frauding them.

They can’t decide what you’re allowed to spend your money on.
And if they were to use surveillance on everyone they suspected might be committing fraud, they would have to spend an enormous amount of resources they most likely don’t have.

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12

Your psychologist is full of ■■■■. No one is stalking you to catch you in anything. Going to a pub to visit with a friend doesn’t mean it’s not also very difficult to do so.

You’re safe. Promise.

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You can earn money online, but if you start making more than the dole check, then you have several months or a year to make sure you can keep working like that before they cut off the check.

There are a lot of ways to make money online. Ask it. A little bit or progress each month adds up over time.

14

Instead of going to a pub, is there a church in your town often they have social events to and usually the people are very nice and understanding maybe try that?

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Do you think that this would contribute to hallucinations? People suffering from “epiphanies” and “theophanies” may not do well in those places. What do you think?

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Well you can either believe in God or not believe in God that is the choice he gives us.

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Oh I remember those kinds of delusions.
I learned not to dwell on them and go off spinning in circles. Because that ends up going nowhere.

So now I look at nature and the beautiful earth that was created and which some men tried to destroy. We just live our individual lives.
And if you do the right thing all the time every time you have nothing to worry about.

Oh life always has ups and downs I remember saying I’m on the roller coaster. but towards the end it just seems to be all downhill. You may think that scary or not that is your choice.

You may not be able to control your mind or what other people do TO you. But you can control how you react to things. I used to get all stressed out and end up ill. And that only hurt myself. So I try not to repeat those patterns it’s happened so many times I finally figured it out.

Peace to All.

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18

That sounds like a good and wise strategy. I bet wise people like knowing you.

I hope that your voices are not bothering you, or that they are at least not lying. :slight_smile:

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Many lies were told about me like I could not finish school but I prove them all wrong.
Oh yeah it was very hard.
You can fail many times but if you never give up you’ll get to where you want to go.

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So much wisdom with so little time. I like that a lot. :+1: I feel like i know you already. Hehe.