That’s unfortunate man… but that is just kind of the way of things.
You’ll start meeting more mentally ill folk in real life. I’ve met 3 bipolar folk in the last year. 2 became really good friends. The other one is kind of a careless stoner…
Don’t meet many SZ folk but BP people do understand the hardship of it. Although they will likely try and tell you that you are BP… Honestly they got no idea what cognitive dissonance is like.
I’m around. Tomorrow my sister is taking me to an ophthalmologist to get tests done on my eyes in order for them to determine whether I should undergo crosslinking in my better right eye else a corneal transplant in my very poor sighted left eye. Wish me luck for the best solution.
Good luck man…
Yes, Goodluck @Fellowman!
Good luck @Fellowman
Which is why I keep touting psychotherapy as route for some – not all – to reduced med dosage.
That’s what I’m all about…
It’s kind of a mess but its amazing when you really start looking back at the states of being you used to inhabit… and if you are mindful long enough how many new states you can find… granted we can always slip around inside ourselves.
I finally found really solid peace and slept like a baby last night… best time to meditate… right there before bed.
Unfortunately everything can be a challenge for those of us who have known great insecurity inside… progress in life… confidence in ourself… finding love… finding conflict in our dependencies… substance abuse…
Really it all stems from lack of contentment… at least for me… regarding some of those issues.
Over analysis… terrible trait to have… but its also highly advantageous… just sucks when the data isn’t available.
Don’t let the voices chop up your mental flow. Expand your focus to keep moving… Restore the train inside.
This is just general advice… and I’m not an expert, but they are things that have started working for me.
My voices seem to like to derail me at every point that they can… Keeps them afloat.
People don’t like to give the voices credit beyond just being noise… but I know mine have some level of intelligence and personality… beyond that they have an understanding of me and remember my past mental statements…
Those are just my voices… I know there is a great deal of room for variance…
Still working on understanding… but last night I hit the point where I was hearing them without processing them… it was as if I was finally myself again inside the SZ…
But that was after a couple days of feeling really directionless in how to proceed.
I was just socially insecure… which is nonsense… but that was my disposition. The psychosis confounded it all, but analyzing the character I was throughout my life has helped to unravel the confusion of all that was brought on/out by drugs and this illness.
Really though… forgive yourself and others… unravel your mysteries… resolve your pain… trust your self and your future… It’s odd when that relieving moment of acceptance and carelessness sets in. When the mind finally starts to drift again and thinks normally about random things.
Take a certain level of stability in the physical world as well… I’ve been exercising a lot recently.
Baby steps… have confidence you can find little adjustments and let them become a part of you before moving on to the next issue.
For me the last one was facing desperate romanticism… more an indicator of a life long sense of loneliness contrasted by a few sparse relationships…
Love is a feeling. Learn to embrace it as that alone and it can be just as beautiful without dominating your life. To want it endlessly is a rather selfish and foolish goal… and really the only way for that to happen is to treat it casually so that the said lover might find the lack of obligation inviting enough to find long term comfort as well…
Ranting again… but I do feel like I’m onto something… at least regarding my personal philosophy… a sign that my mind is growing up and the illness does have less weight.
Hey yo @notmoses … good to see you around.
Amen! (though I am not typing that on some Facebook meme).
Pills cannot and do not change peoples’ thinking. All they do is degrade or enhance their mortivations and impulsivities.
Yeah… I had a rough month and thought about trying a low dose of something… Then I cut out the caffeine and started smoking less…
Was able to reverse a lot of that neurotic feeling…
Still trapped in the consumption cycle… but it does pacify me to a degree. These changes take time and are often complex enough that it’s nearly impossible to remember all the tactics when they are needed…
but the end game for me is training my mind to let go of things as soon as it realizes they are not necessary.
Thoughts, impulses, dependencies, emotions… even love… or the desire to be in it.
But that is a point to point game… its all about core of mind and mental focus… less self perception and judgement. Finding creative veins to dwell in as gratification is all we really seek. To live in a world of over-inflated presupposed desires met with the concept of scarcity… it’s so easy to get lost. Really all we want is to feel valid… to have good trajectory and stability… I think that is what love is all about. I’m coming to appreciate the platonic love in my life a bit more… the respect of my friends and family… something I lost in those first few years out on my own and then even further distanced from during the psychosis.
Still to be truly appreciated by a partner… that’s something that is pretty cool. Also has its downfalls when things don’t go as expected. It’s worth dreaming about… Helps maintain adherence to virtues in a world that likes to tear apart idealism.
But yeah I’m starting to feel really healthy… I just gotta figure out how to stabilize it for myself long term… takes so many experiences to diffuse anxiety and create a stronger state of mind… fear in general is the first thing that has to go… I mean what does one have to fear when one is alone? Excluding the loneliness… If people are physically safe and well fed… that shouldn’t be taken for granted. Then finding stability in isolation… that can slowly be brought into social arenas and even areas where performance is cripple by doubt.
I’m glad to have been on this journey though… it’s not like I had a choice… but it has given me insight into a lot of things. There are too many of you on here to thank for that.
That would be like if the non swimmer tried to learn to swim in a bath tube.
he might at least adjust to the presence of water…
the metaphor has worked for me…
Why should what occurs in the environment affect the internal operation of the mind?
Why should people’s presence alone cause thoughts in another?
I sent a short story to The Antioch Review and it came back with a rejection slip today. That’s okay. F. Scot Fitzgerald got 128 rejection slips before he finally got published. I don’t know if I have it in me to do the agonizing, backbreaking work it takes to be a writer of stature. I guess time will tell. I’m 57 years old and I’m running out of time.
nah man… you got some time… keep at it…
If you care to send me your stuff I’ll read it 
take care man signing off for the day.
no share im here to ofton…but hey thats life. nice to see you all… it makes me happy