Does anyone have family members that are usually super supportive of your illness, all of a sudden start blaming you for being this way??
My mother is usually real supportive. She drove 14 hours to be there with me at the hospital and has stood up to doctors to make sure i get correct treatment(she is a nurse).
But once again today, she was being real manipulative and threw the illness in my face.
She has the balls enough to tell me that “i have no reason or right to be angry for myself getting locked up in a hospital” and then my employer(the first hospital i went to) firing me and i loosing my apartment and everything over it . I have a damn good right to be angry.
I tried to get help for a month and a half before i started hitting the hospitals up. 4 hospitals blew me off and then i got put down in a locked ward.
Why is this soo hard to see??
I am in my late 30’s and i am fighting tooth and nail to get my life back; a job, apartment.
It makes my blood boil when she tells me i have no right to have a logical response to the circumstances i found myself in.
In what ways does your family or friends use circumstances beyond you control as a way to argue with you?
People tend to have that response to tragic things. When I had to drop out of school to take care of my family, people kept telling me to count my blessings and look on the bright side. Well, I wasn’t seeing too many bright sides. I think it’s because illness and tragedy make people uncomfortable. They don’t want to see your pain, because it reminds them that there is nothing stopping them from suffering the same fate.
And, in the case of your mom, there’s probably also some underlying guilt over whether she was the cause of your illness. Society tends to blame the mother for mental illnesses, regardless of how inaccurate it is. So maybe she wants you to be less sad/angry/frustrated because if she doesn’t see you suffering, then she doesn’t feel as guilty.
And good luck getting your life back in order! I managed, eventually. It takes a lot of time and work, but you can do it!
Thanks @Ninjastar!
That is an interesting way to look at it. I guess that could be possible in my moms case. She has told me that when i first got diagnosed that she was constantly trying to figure out what she did wrong with me.
I know it was a huge problem for my mom. She kept insisting I wasn’t sick, just lazy. But deep down, she was scared and feeling ashamed and couldn’t deal. When she saw me recover, she was finally able to admit I was actually sick and needed help.
Yeah, it is sometimes hard for parents to accept that there is something wrong with their child. Some hope that ignoring the issue will make it go away.
But then it is such a relief to both child and parent that there is a name to what is going on.
i think she was on your side. telling you its not your fault.
When i first started getting ill (this was with Depression which came first, the Schizophrenia came later), i remember my mum would accuse me of being lazy and just trying to get out of work. She blames my low mood on hormones, computer games, etc. I imagine that for her, she was feeling somewhat responsible perhaps, even though my developing these illnesses has nothing to do with her raising me. Sometimes parents cling desperately to alternative ideas because for them, the truth hurts. It is almost like a grieving process. They lose someone that they’d known for so long to mental illness, and it can take a while before they accept that.
@Sezbot241, that is so very true.
When a family member gets sick(chronically) it can be super hard for the other family members to accept. I totally agree that they feel like they are loosing the person that they once knew.
My mom is kinda this way with me, she doesn’t seem to want to accept my limitations. I want to work in a specific field and she is so adament that i start in this field as soon as i can get someone to hire me. She doesn’t understand that i still have to make a “name” for myself in this field. If i mess up(have an episode) then this would hinder me from working at other places in the same field. All it takes is one person saying i am not cut out for the job and it would get to other offices in the same town. So my thinking is, i kinda want to work in a job that is not in my field just to test the waters to make sure i will be able to handle it. Then if something happens, i will have alot less to loose.
It took a little while for my parents to get just how bad I am. I know that for them they didnt want to face the truth because it scared them. It wasnt until I had a second psychotic break that made them see how bad I was.
I’ve not talked to family since I was 18, I’m 62 now, There was no love in my family
@Mountainman, wow, that is horrible, i am sorry to hear that.
I hope you had really strong relationships with your friends.
No, i’m a loner, alone 99% of the time, but i’m used to it
I definately do like my alone time also. I need lots of time to myself. Dealing with the general public is stressful as it is.
But i do have my mom and my support groups to help keep me more even.
If you have family, you have issues.
My mom lashes out at me too sometimes calls me lazy and useless when she’s mad I try to ignore those moments
@Jake I thought this thread would let you know that tons of people go through this, especially a parent.
To ALL, sorry I hijacked this thread. I’ve been through family not understanding my illnesses.
@Priscillame hopefully, your Mom will come around. You may PM me.
@Ninjastar I really like the way you word things. Thanks for you being wonderful you!
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